..續本文上一頁er that way until one day they realized they”d gone the other side of the gate. That is a completely other way to do it. It”s not very dramatic and it”s hard to describe how it happens because you just walk, live along your life. But that is an equally important way to have the dharma, to experience the dharma. Where you know there is something, a way in which you are out of harmony with the Tao so you shift so that you are in harmony with the Tao and that”s all you do. You just do these little shifts all the time and sooner or later you realize that you are the Tao and the Tao is you and it is not a matter of being in harmony with it at all.

　　In my own--I don”t usually like to talk about my own experience, but it”s sort of distant now. I think it”s sometimes often important to protect an enlightenment experience and not talk about it. You want to be very careful with it. When I had my own experience, I didn”t tell anybody for about six months, I guess. I told my teacher, but I didn”t tell anybody else until I”d settled down a little bit. In my own experience I had really always wanted to be enlightened and I”d had this really strong sense of effort and struggle. I”d gone to each sesshin thinking, "I will do it this time." I would really meditate very hard. I think as I got deeper in my zazen, I got happier and I didn”t really didn”t care so much if I got enlightened and I realized that I was living the great life in my ignorance, which is again, an essential thing of the Hua-yen, isn”t it

　　 That each object in the universe contains all other objects, each object manifests the radiance of Buddha nature. So whether you”re working on Mu or whether you”re sitting there asleep and snoring on your cushion, you still manifest the dharma, but it”s good to know it and you don”t know it yet. Not knowing in that sense, then, can be painful. So it”s good to wake up the desire for the way, but then the desire itself becomes a problem, as it did for me. I had to back myself off in my zazen and stop being so tense and stop struggling so much. I used to throw up all the time. I”d be so tense, I”d rush out at kinhin and throw up, rush back and do more zen. It was sort of just another ritual, you know. I did that for a year or so, I guess, a couple of years. Finally, I thought, "Well, there must be another way." And I got to just enjoying my zazen. I decided I”d be lazy in my zazen, actually. But I couldn”t be lazy. What happened was I stopped the interfering mind and the of zazen started doing me. In this particular sesshin I had this dream beforehand that I thought was very significant. In the dream I went past the bones of the ancestral saints on foot. I was in a car and it broke down and I had to proceed on foot. Then I saw some senior students. (Again the importance of friends, rather than the rules and the teacher.) Some senior students showed me the way to a mountain that nobody knew of. It was a secret mountain, but it was the highest mountain in land. They showed me the way up. And all the children were coming down from that mountain into the world to be born and I was going up. I got to the place where the children came from. In the dream I had an ice cream cone and I was licking it. Well, I felt somehow this dream seemed a good sign. So often you”ll get intimations like that, but you can”t hang onto them because if you hang onto them, you just step backwards. So I felt odd about the dream. But I went into sesshin determined this time I was going to do it. I had a really good first couple of days and then my mind went all to shit, like I”d never had worse zazen in my whole life. The more I tried the worse it got. So I thought, "Well, I just won”t try." I”d built up such a head of steam that not trying was good for me; whereas, earlier in …

《Process and Experience of Enlightenment》全文未完，請進入下頁繼續閱讀…