Chapter 12 Marriage, Birth Control And Death

　　第十二章 婚姻.節育和死亡

　　Buddhist Views on Marriage

　　佛教的婚姻觀

　　In Buddhism, marriage is regarded as entirely a personal, inpidual concern and not as a religious duty.

　　佛教認爲婚姻是完全個人的事，與宗教無關。

　　Marriage is a social convention, an institution created by man for the well-being and happiness of man, to differentiate human society from animal life and to maintain order and harmony in the process of procreation. Even though the Buddhist texts are silent on the subject of monogamy or polygamy, the Buddhist laity is advised to limit themselves to one wife. The Buddha did not lay rules on married life but gave necessary advice on how to live a happy married life. There are ample inferences in His sermons that it is wise and advisable to be faithful to one wife and not to be sensual and to run after other women. The Buddha realized that one of the main causes of man”s downfall is his involvement with other women (Parabhava Sutta).Man must realize the difficulties, the trials and tribulations that he has to undergo just to maintain a wife and a family. These would be magnified many times when faced with calamities. Knowing the frailties of human nature, the Buddha did, in one of His precepts, advise His followers of refrain from committing adultery or sexual misconduct.

　　婚姻是一種社會習俗。婚姻締造了人類的安定與幸福。婚姻使人類的生活有別于其他動物。婚姻有效的維持生育秩序與和諧。雖然經典中對一夫一妻製度保持緘默，佛教徒卻嚴格的奉行一夫一妻製。雖然佛教並沒有限製弟子們只能擁有一名妻子，可是，從他的教義中可以看到，佛陀反對弟子與妻子以外的女性茍合，告誡弟子們不要沈迷于肉欲之樂，從這可推斷佛陀還是支持一夫一妻製的。從《善生經》 (Parabhaa Sutta)裏可以看出，「婚外情」是導致人類墮落的主要原因之一。人類必須了解維持一個家庭的困難，尤其當不幸的事發生時，所遇到的困難會更加倍。基于對人類這種弱點的認識，佛陀製定了不邪淫戒，嚴禁弟子們通奸、和對各種邪淫罪行的違犯。

　　The Buddhist views on marriage are very liberal: in Buddhism, marriage is regarded entirely as personal and inpidual concern, and not as a religious duty. There are no religious laws in Buddhism compelling a person to be married, to remain as a bachelor or to lead a life of total chastity. It is not laid down anywhere that Buddhists must produce children or regulate the number of children that they produce. Buddhism allows each inpidual the freedom to decide for himself all the issues pertaining to marriage. It might be asked why Buddhist monks do not marry, since there are no laws for or against marriage. The reason is obviously that to be of service to mankind, the monks have chosen a way of life which includes celibacy. Those who renounce the worldly life keep away from married life voluntarily to avoid various worldly commitments in order to maintain peace of mind and to dedicate their lives solely to serve others in the attainment of spiritual emancipation. Although Buddhist monks do not solemnize a marriage ceremony, they do perform religious services in order to bless the couples.

　　佛教對婚姻的看法是非常自由的。佛教認爲婚姻是完全個人的事，與宗教無關。佛教中並沒有任何戒律要人們保持獨身、強製結婚或保持貞操。也沒有規定佛教徒要生孩子或生幾個孩子。佛教允許信徒自己自由的決定一切有關于婚姻的問題。或許有人要問：「既然佛教不禁止結婚，爲什麼出家人不結婚呢？」出家人選擇獨居的生活方式，是爲了更有效的服務人群，他們自願的放棄世俗的生活，放棄婚姻生活，是爲了避開塵世的紛擾，也爲了保持平靜，他們奉獻了自己的一生爲人類服務，幫助人類完成心靈的解脫。

　　Divorce

　　離婚：

　　Separation or porce is not prohibited in Buddhism though the necessity would scarcely arise if the Buddha”s injunctions were strictly followed. Men and women must have the liberty to separate if they really cannot agree with each other. Separation is preferable to avoid miserable family life for a long period of time. The Buddha further advises old men not to have young wives as the old and young are unlikely to be compatible, which can create undue problems, disharmony and downfall (Parabhava Sutta).

　　A society grows through a network of relationships which are mutually inter-twined and inter-dependent. Every relationship is a whole hearted commitment to support and to protect others in a group or community. Marriage plays a very important part in this strong web of relationships of giving support and protection. A good marriage should grow and develop gradually from understanding and not impulse, from true loyalty and not just sheer indulgence. The institution of marriage provides a fine basis for the development of culture, a delightful association of two inpiduals to be nurtured, and to be free from loneliness, deprivation and fear. In marriage, each partner develops a complementary role, giving strength and moral courage to one another, each manifesting a supportive and appreciative recognition of the other”s skills. There must be no thought of either man or woman being superior; each is complementary to the other, a partnership of equality, exuding gentleness, generosity, calm and dedication.

　　佛教不禁止分居或離婚。假如，人們嚴格的遵守佛陀的教義，這種事情就不會發生。

　　假如男女雙方真的認爲他們不能生活在一起時，他們可以自由的分開。分居總比悲慘、有害的長期生活在一起要好得多了。根據《善生經》的記載，佛陀奉勸老年人不要娶年輕的妻子，這種結合會産生種種問題，造成不協調和墮落。

　　人際關系是社會發展的網絡，互相支援、互相依賴。每一種人際關系都爲了保護和發展自己的一個小組。婚姻是最重要的人際關系，彼此保護，彼此支援。一個正常的婚姻，是建立在信任和了解，而不是沖動和放縱，正常的婚姻培養了正確的基礎和文明的發展。歡愉的結合，使感情都能夠獲得發展，不再寂寞、害怕或失落。在婚姻中，雙方都要彼此互動、尊重、支持和鼓勵，要支持和欣賞對方的表現，不要有高低之分，要互相幫助，培養平等，溫柔，慷慨、平和與付出的品德。

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