胡思

　　Random Thoughts

　　一說到清明節，便會想起那首婦孺皆知的歌謠：“清明時節雨紛紛，路上行人欲斷魂，借問酒家何處有，牧童遙指杏花村。”

　　For many people, at the mention of Qingming Day (Tomb-Sweeping Day), the following popular song inevitably comes to mind:

　　It is drizzling and showering on spring memorial day,

　　The mourners travel with hearts lost in sadness.

　　When asked where to find a tavern to stop by,

　　A shepherd boy points at an apricot blossom village far away.

　　今天是清明節，是漢族傳統祭拜祖先，撫慰英烈的日子。街上的人們手捧鮮花，攜家帶口，絡繹不絕地出城爲祖先和先烈掃墓。

　　It is Qingming Day, the traditional “Memorial Day” in Han China designated for paying homage to ancestors and fallen heroes. On the street, many families head to the outskirts of the city in a steady stream; with fresh flowers in hand; they are ready to sweep the tombs of their predecessors and martyrs.

　　而我卻獨自一人，在醫院排隊等候檢查身體。無情的病魔侵擾著我，在我不堪一擊的體內大行燒殺擄掠之惡行，令我焦急難耐。但無論是誰，得病也只能自己承受，別人是代替不了的。沒生病的時候沒有切身的體會，生了病方知生老病死的苦楚。

　　Yet I found myself all alone queuing for physical exams in a hospital. The demons of disease have been raging horrendous wars in my feeble body, leaving me anxious and helpless. But whoever we may be, we have to bear the miseries of illness all alone. It is only in illness that we experience firsthand the sufferings of birth, sickness, aging, and death, which otherwise seem elusive when we are healthy.

　　在繳費處熬了一個多小時，終于輪到我了。單驗血一項就需260元，看著周圍很多衣衫破舊的人，心想：他們如何負擔得起這些昂貴的醫療費用啊！難怪西方有一種說法：“是窮人就不要生病，否則醫院的門檻是很高的。”沒錢治病，只能眼睜睜地等死。唉！這些可憐的衆生。

　　Finally it”s my turn after waiting for more than an hour at the billing department. It cost 260 yuan for a blood test alone. Seeing many patients wearing ragged clothes, I wondered how they could manage to pay such high fees for medical care! No wonder it is said in the West: “If you are poor, try not to get sick. The threshold of the hospital is too high to cross.” For people unable to pay medical bills, the only alternative is to wait to die helplessly. How miserable are they!

　　爲了等待檢查結果，我坐在一棵據說有150年樹齡的榕樹下休憩。實在難以想象，它的年齡居然超過了我的高祖父。但高祖父早已棄我們而去，而這棵樹卻巍然依舊。人的壽命竟然不如一棵樹，即使沒病也活不了多久，無常真是可怕啊！

　　As I had to wait for the lab report, I rested under a ficus tree reputed to be 150 years old, an age that beats my great grandfather”s. How amazing. My great grandfather has been long gone while this tree still towers majestically. We humans are just no match to trees in terms of lifespan—even if we manage to be disease-free, our days are numbered. Impermanence is indeed frightening!

　　得到檢查結果，坐車回家的路上，看見一座巨大的建築物，聽說其産權歸屬于一耋耄之年的老人。想到不久于人世的老人，與堅固依然的大樓，實在爲那些作著長期打算的人們痛心。

　　On the ride home after getting my report, I saw a huge building supposedly owned by someone quite advanced in age. Musing over the old man toward the end of his life and the big building that would remain strong, I felt sorry for those who”re still making long-term plans.

　　整整一個上午，就這樣胡思亂想。既未看書，也沒念經。

　　All morning, I was preoccupied with these random thoughts, having neither read books nor recited scriptures.

　　——清明午時于陽臺

　　壬午年二月二十叁日　

　　2002年4月5日

　　On the balcony, at noon on Qingming Day

　　23rd February, Year of RenWu

　　April 5, 2002