..續本文上一頁 as the thought that I might have to spend the rest of my life at the emotional age of six was quite a dreary prospect.

　　This is where many of us in our society get stuck. For example, American society does not allow you to develop emotionally, to mature. It does not understand that need at all, so it does not provide any rites of passage for men. The society does not provide that kind of introduction into a mature world; you are expected to be immature your whole life. You are supposed to act mature, but you are not expected to be mature. Therefore, very few people are. Emotions are not really understood or resolved — their childish tendencies are merely suppressed rather than developed into maturity.

　　What meditation does is to offer a chance to mature on the emotional plane. Perfect emotional maturity would be samma vayama, samma sati and samma samadhi. This is a reflection; you will not find this in any book — it is for you to contemplate. Perfect emotional maturity comprises Right Effort, Right Mindfulness and Right Concentration. It is present when one is not caught in fluctuations and vicissitudes, where one has balance and clarity and is able to be receptive and sensitive.

　　THINGS AS THEY ARE

　　With Right Effort, there can be a cool kind of acceptance of a situation rather than the panic that comes from thinking that it”s up to me to set everybody straight, make everything right and solve everybody”s problems. We do the best we can, but we also realise that it”s not up to us to do everything and make everything right.

　　At one time when I was at Wat Pah Pong with Ajahn Chah, I could see a lot of things going wrong in the monastery. So I went up to him and I said, ”Ajahn Chah these things are going wrong; you”ve got to do something about it.” He looked at me and he said, ”Oh, you suffer a lot, Sumedho. You suffer a lot. It”ll change.” I thought, ”He doesn”t care! This is the monastery that he”s devoted his life to and he”s just letting it go down the drain!” But he was right. After a while it began to change and, through just bearing with it, people began to see what they were doing. Sometimes we have to let things go down the drain in order for people to see and to experience that. Then we can learn how not to go down the drain.

　　Do you see what I mean

　　 Sometimes situations in our life are just this way. There”s nothing one can do so we allow them to be that way; even if they get worse, we allow them to get worse. But it”s not a fatalistic or negative thing we”re doing; it”s a kind of patience — being willing to bear with something; allowing it to change naturally rather than egotistically trying to prop everything up and cleaning it all up out of our aversion and distaste for a mess.

　　Then, when people push our buttons, we”re not always offended, hurt or upset by the things that happen, or shattered and destroyed by the things that people say or do. One person I know tends to exaggerate everything. If something goes wrong today, she will say, ”I”m utterly and absolutely shattered!” — when all that has happened is that some little problem occurred. However, her mind exaggerates it to such an extent that a very small thing can absolutely destroy her for the day. When we see this, we should realise that there is a great imbalance because little things should not totally shatter anyone.

　　I realised that I could be easily offended so I took a vow not to be offended. I had noticed how easy it was for me to be offended by little things, whether intentional or unintentional. We can see how easy it is to feel hurt, wounded, offended, upset or worried — how something in us is always trying to be nice, but always feels a little offended by this or a little hurt by that.

　　With reflection, you can see that the world is like this;…

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