..續本文上一頁 with personality rather than merely trying to let go of it as the cause celebre of practice. To think ”I”ve got to get rid of my personality and not attach to my emotions” is one of the ways we grasp teachings of the Lord Buddha. Instead, I would become a personality quite intentionally, so I could listen to and observe this sense of me and mine. I would practise bringing up the thoughts, ”Me, what about me

　　” ”Don”t you care about me

　　” ”Aren”t you interested in what I think and how I feel

　　” And ”These are my things, this is my robe, my possessions, my bowl, my space, my view, my thoughts, my feelings and my rights.” ”I”m Ajahn Sumedho,” ”I”m a Mahathera” and ”I”m a disciple of Luang Por Chah”, and on and on like that. ”This is what makes me an interesting person, a person that has titles and is respected and admired in the society.” I would listen to that. I would listen, not to knock it down or criticise it but to recognise the power of words, how I could create my self; I would more and more find the refuge in awareness, rather than in the conditions of my personality, in the fears or self-disparagement or megalomania or whatever else happened to be operating in consciousness.

　　In communal life one”s personality is constantly being challenged in some way. The structures that we use, monks and nuns as well as the heirarchical positions - being ajahns, or majjhima monks or navakas or samaneras or anagarikas, anagarikas, siladhara - are positions we can take very personally. We can make them into personal property. If we”re not mindful and developing wisdom, then the life here becomes one of developing an ego around being a monk or a nun.

　　So when the Buddha pointed to awareness, sati-sampajanna, he was pointing to the reflective capacity. For this I use the phrase ”intuitive awareness.” Although ”intuition” is a common enough word in English, I myself use it to refer to the ability to awaken and be aware, which is a state of reflection. It isn”t thought; it”s not filling my mind with ideas or views and opinions. It”s an ability to receive this present moment, to receive both the physical and mental conditions as they impinge on me through the senses. It is the ability to embrace the moment, which means the embracement of everything. Everything belongs here, whether you like it or not. Whether you want it or don”t want it is not the issue. It is the way it is.

　　If I get caught in preferences, views and opinions about what I need for my practice, I”m coming not from intuitive awareness, but from an ideal: ”It has to be like this, quiet and subdued. I have to control the situation. I have to calm myself. I have to make sure that the things around me aren”t challenging me in any way, and aren”t disrupting or irritating me.” So I become a control freak.

　　Having an ideal of what I want, I try to make it an experience for myself. I feel that if those conditions aren”t present, I can”t possibly practise. Then I could start blaming: ”Too many people here, too much going on, too many meetings, too many things to do, too much work, ba ba ba!” Then I go into my, ”I want to go to my cave”. I have this troglodytic tendency, wanting to be a recluse in a cave, to go off somewhere nice and quiet, somewhere protected from the dangers of life, somewhere where there”s no challenges; because people are challenging, aren”t they, when living in community with them. It”s always a challenge, because we affect each other all the time in one way or another. That”s just the way it is; it”s nobody”s fault. It”s the way communities are.

　　In the Buddhist tradition, the third refuge is in Sangha, which for us means this community. Sangha is the Pali word for ”community.” Then you might say, ”Well, that means only the Ariyan Sangha: the sotapannas, sakadaga…

《Self-view, Personality and Awareness》全文未完，請進入下頁繼續閱讀…