..續本文上一頁was getting dark I had my chance, in they came carrying a corpse. Just my luck! I couldn”t even feel my feet touch the ground, I wanted to get out of there so badly. They wanted me to do some funeral chants but I wouldn”t get involved, I just walked away. In a few minutes, after they”d gone, I just walked back and found that they had buried the corpse right next to my spot, making the bamboo used for carrying it into a bed for me to stay on.

　　So now what was I do

　　 It”s not that the village was nearby, either, a good two or three kilometers away.

　　"Well, if I”m going to die, I”m going to die"... If you”ve never dared to do it you”ll never know what it”s like. It”s really an experience.

　　As it got darker and darker I wondered where there was to run to in the middle of that charnel ground.

　　"Oh, let it die. One is born to this life only to die, anyway."

　　As soon as the sun sank the night told me to get inside my glot. [40] I didn”t want to do any walking meditation, I only wanted to get into my net. Whenever I tried to walk towards the grave it was as if something was pulling me back from behind, to stop me from walking. It was as if my feelings of fear and courage were having a tug-of-war with me. But I did it. This is the way you must train yourself.

　　When it was dark I got into my mosquito net. It felt as if I had a seven-tiered wall all around me. Seeing my trusty alms bowl there beside me was like seeing an old friend. Even a bowl can be a friend sometimes! Its presence beside me was comforting. I had a bowl for a friend at least.

　　I sat in my net watching over the body all night. I didn”t lie down or even doze off, I just sat quietly. I couldn”t be sleepy even if I wanted to, I was so scared. Yes, I was scared, and yet I did it. I sat through the night.

　　Now who would have the guts to practice like this

　　 Try it and see. When it comes to experiences like this who would dare to go and stay in a charnel ground

　　 If you don”t actually do it you don”t get the results, you don”t really practice. This time I really practiced.

　　When day broke I felt, "Oh! I”ve survived!" I was so glad, I just wanted to have daytime, no night time at all. I wanted to kill off the night and leave only daylight. I felt so good, I had survived. I thought, "Oh, there”s nothing to it, it”s just my own fear, that”s all."

　　After almsround and eating the meal I felt good, the sunshine came out, making me feel warm and cozy. I had a rest and walked a while. I thought, "This evening I should have some good, quiet meditation, because I”ve already been through it all last night. There”s probably nothing more to it."

　　Then, later in the afternoon, wouldn”t you know it

　　 In comes another one, a big one this time. [41] They brought the corpse in and cremated it right beside my spot, right in front of my glot. This was even worse than last night!

　　"Well, that”s good," I thought, "bringing in this corpse to burn here is going to help my practice."

　　But still I wouldn”t go and do any rites for them, I waited for them to leave first before taking a look.

　　Burning that body for me to sit and watch over all night, I can”t tell you how it was. Words can”t describe it. Nothing I could say could convey the fear I felt. In the dead of night, remember. The fire from the burning corpse flickered red and green and the flames pattered softly. I wanted to do walking meditation in front of the body but could hardly bring myself to do it. Eventually I got into my net. The stench from the burning flesh lingered all through the night.

　　And this was before things really started to happen... As the flames flickered softly I turned my back on the fire.

　　I forgot about sleep, I couldn”t even think of it, my eyes were fixed rigid with fear. And there was nobody to turn to, ther…

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