..續本文上一頁ence made her eager to join a course if it could be organised. She did not want to disappoint her son who had come all the way from Myanmar, but she also did not wish to anger her other sons in India who followed the Ananda Marg path. In a very sad voice she would say, "You will have to see how I can sit the course."

　　The atmosphere was filled with disappointment and frustration. I thought that I would have to return to Myanmar without success. Despite my teacher”s confident prediction, a cloud of despair had cast its shadow; and although I thought that the clock of Vipassana had struck, it seemed the work of its revival would have to be done by other, fitter hands.

　　Sometimes, even in this unhappy atmosphere, there would be a ray of hope. Sayagyi had said that on my arrival in India, nature would give a sign of my future success. I travelled by air from Yangon (Rangoon) and, as it happened, when I descended from the plane in Calcutta there was an earth tremor. The next day I read in the newspapers that it had affected a large area of northern India. To me it was as if the country was thrilled to regain the long-lost jewel of the Dhamma.

　　Signs of this kind had occurred in the time of the Buddha. Was this nature”s way of expressing joy at the rebirth of the Buddha”s teaching through the return of Vipassana

　　 However, when I recalled the present difficulties, I felt that perhaps the earthquake had just been a coincidence and that it was senseless to give it importance. I needed to understand and accept the existing situation, which was bleak.

　　Such storms of hope and despair raged in my mind. As the days passed a sense of despondency became heavier and deeply affected me. One evening I sat to meditate in this frame of mind. The meditation was very strong. Just a short while before its end, I found that dense clouds had gathered inside and there was total darkness in all directions. The atmosphere around was filled with doubts and tension but, when I examined the state of my mind, I found that it was not affected at all. Instead, it was firmly established in equanimity. Suddenly my mind was filled with a strong resolve: "What is to be will be. I am dedicated to Dhamma. Let Dhamma do as Dhamma wishes. If I am a worthy vessel of Dhamma and if I have a sufficient store of previous pāramitā, the darkness will dissipate. If it does not, I shall accept my unworthiness and return to Myanmar after meeting my family and friends."

　　As soon as I made this resolve, I felt strong mettā toward my brothers who were deeply involved in Anand Marg: "May they be happy. May they be successful." My mind was suffused with these emotions. Suddenly the darkness started to dissolve and within a few seconds was gone. In its place a stream of joy arose and enthusiasm started to overflow. No trace of despair remained anywhere.

　　After my meditation, I saw that a young man was waiting to see me: Vijay Adukia, the son of Dayanand Adukia and grandson of Mangalchand Adukia. Mangalchandji was the father-in-law of my younger brother and my associate in social service in Myanmar. He had also done a Vipassana course there. Vijay said, "If you wish to conduct a ten-day course, I shall arrange for a place. A portion of the Pancayatiwadi Dharmashala can be made available. I have already spoken to the management. If you wish, you can come and inspect it."

　　I cheerfully went to the course site but found it totally unsuitable for meditation. Aside from the noise and din of the city, there was filth everywhere. However, to find a vacant place for ten days in a large, densely populated city like Bombay was an impossibility. Therefore, expressing gratitude toward the management of the dharmashala, I immediately gave my acceptance.

　　Now the question was who would join the course.…

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