..續本文上一頁 ”I want to be a tyrant!”; ”I want to be a heroin smuggler!”; ”I want to be a member of the Mafia!”; ”I want to ...” Whatever it is. We”re not concerned with the quality of it any more, but the mere characteristic that it”s an impermanent condition; it”s unsatisfactory, because there”s no point in it that can ever really satisfy you. It comes and it goes, and it”s not-self.

　　==The Hindrances and their Cessation ==

　　As we listen inwardly, we begin to recognise the whispering voices of guilt, remorse and desire, jealousy and fear, lust and greed. Sometimes you can listen to what lust says: ”I want, I”ve got to have, I”ve got to have, I want, I want!” Sometimes it doesn”t even have any object. You can just feel lust with no object, so you find an object. The desire to get something, ”I want something, I want something! I”ve got to have something, I want ...” You can hear that if you listen to your mind. Usually we find an object for lust, such as sex; or we can spend our time fantasising.

　　Lust may take the form of looking for something to eat, or anything to absorb into, become something, unite with something. Lust is always on the look-out, always seeking for something. It can be an attractive object which is allowable for monks, like a nice robe or an alms bowl or some delicious food. You can see the inclination to want it, to touch it, to try and somehow get it, own it, possess it, make it mine, consume. And that”s lust, that”s a force in nature which we must recognise; not to condemn it and say, ”I”m a terrible person because I have lust!” -- because that”s another ego reinforcement, isn”t it

　　 As if we are not supposed to have any lust, as if there were any human being who didn”t experience desire for something!

　　These are conditions in nature which we must recognise and see; not through condemnation, but through understanding them. So we get to really know the movement in our mind of lust, greed, seeking something -- and the desire-to-get-rid-of. You can witness that also -- wanting to get rid of something you have, or some situation, or pain itself. ”I want to get rid of the pain I have, I want to get rid of my weakness, I want to get rid of dullness, I want to get rid of my restlessness, my lust. I want to get rid of everything that annoys me. Why did God create mosquitoes

　　 I want to get rid of the pests.”

　　Sensual desire is the first of the hindrances (nivarana). Aversion is the second one; your mind is haunted with not wanting, with petty irritations and resentments, and then you try and annihilate them. So that”s an obstacle to your mental vision, that”s a hindrance. I”m not saying we should try to get rid of that hindrance -- that”s aversion -- but to know it, to know its force, to understand it as you experience it. Then you recognise the desire to get rid of things in yourself, the desire to get rid of things around you, desire not to be here, desire not to be alive, desire to no longer exist. That”s why we like to sleep, isn”t it

　　 Then we can not exist for a while. In sleep consciousness we don”t exist because there isn”t that same feeling of being alive anymore. That”s annihilation. So some people like to sleep a lot because living is too painful for them, too boring, too unpleasant. We get depressed, full of doubt and despair, and we tend to seek an escape through sleep; trying to annihilate our problems, force them out of consciousness.

　　The third hindrance is sleepiness, lethargy, dullness, sloth, drowsiness, torpor; we tend to react to this with aversion. But this also can be understood. Dullness can be known -- the heaviness of body and mind, slow, dull movement. Witness the aversion to it, the wanting to get rid of it. You observe the feeling of dullness in the body and mind. Even the knowledge of dullnes…

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