..續本文上一頁oking at a person, there would just be the bones wrapped up in skin, nothing but flesh all glaring and red. So where could I see any beauty

　　 The power of the unattractiveness was really strong. No matter whose body I looked at, that”s how I”d perceive it. So where would there be any beauty to make me feel desire

　　 This was why I”d dare march right in... really beautiful young women, you know. (I”ll have to keep asking forgiveness until I”ve finished with this ”forest madness.”) I could march right in with no trouble at all when I felt daring like this, because I was sure of my strength.

　　But this daring wasn”t right, in terms of the point at which the mind really had its fill of lust, which is why I criticized myself afterwards, after the mind had passed this point. This daring was a kind of madness, but while I was following the path, it was right, because that was how I had to follow it through. This is like criticizing food after you”ve eaten your fill. Right or wrong, it”s the same sort of thing.

　　I contemplated unattractiveness until no physical desire appeared at all. It gradually faded away, all on its own, without giving any reason at any specific time or place. It didn”t give me any assurance that lust or passion for the male or female body had disappeared at this or that point in time and place, so I had to deliberate again. I wouldn”t go along with this simple fading away on its own. That is, my mind wouldn”t accept it. If lust had been wiped out at any particular point, there should have been some sort of indication, so that I could know clearly that it was all gone for this or that reason, at this or that moment, this or that place. It should have had its moment.

　　So now the mind had to back up and contemplate to find various approaches to remedy the situation. If it were really all gone, why hadn”t there been a clear indication that it had been wiped out at this or that moment

　　 As soon as I saw a person”s body, I would perceive right through it. There would be nothing but flesh and bones in that body. It wouldn”t be a beautiful woman or a beautiful person or anything, because the power of my contemplation of unattractiveness was so strong that I”d perceive everyone as a pile of bones. What would there be to make the mind feel attraction or desire when it”s in a state like that

　　I now had to turn around and take a new approach. If physical desire had ended without leaving a trace at a particular moment, using a particular strategy, why hadn”t there been a clear indication

　　 I turned around and contemplated another way. I brought attractiveness in to force out the unattractiveness — the pile of bones — covering it with skin to make it beautiful. I had to force the mind, you know. Otherwise it would immediately break through to unattractiveness, because it was so adept that way. I forced the mind to visualize the bones covered with skin so that they”d be beautiful, and then had that beautiful body cling right to mine. That was how I contemplated. I”d do walking meditation visualizing the beauty of that body clinging to mine, clinging right to mine as I walked back and forth. So. How much time would it take

　　 If there was any desire still left, it would have to show. If not, then let me know that it was gone.

　　I practiced this way for four full days without any physical attraction or desire appearing at all. Even though it was an extremely beautiful body, nothing appeared. The image kept trying to change into a pile of bones wrapped in skin, but I forced the mind to stay just at the skin level.

　　The fourth night, tears began to flow. ”I”ve had enough. I give in.” In other words, the mind wasn”t feeling any pleasure. It said that it had had enough, so I tested it again: ”Enough of what

　　 If you admit that there”s no more des…

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