..續本文上一頁h, and started thinking: ”What is the point of getting this university degree
Even if I become a famous engineer, or if I become rich, I”m still going to die. If I become the best politician, or the best lawyer, or the best whatever. . Even if I was to become the most famous rock star that ever existed. ..Big deal.” At that time, I think Jimi Hendrix had just taken too much heroin and died.
Nothing I thought of could answer the question of death. There was always: ”So what
...So ifl have a family
So if l am famous
So if I”m not famous
So if l have a lot of money
So if l don”t have a lot of money
” None of these things resolved this doubt: ”What about death
What is it
Why am I here
Why seek any kind of experience if it all goes to death anyway
”
Questioning all the time like this made it impossible for me to study. So I started to travel. I managed to distract the mind for a time, because traveling was interesting: Morocco, Turkey, India. ..But I kept coming back to this same conclusion: ”So what
So if I see another temple, if I see another mosque, if I eat yet another kind of food - so what
” Sometimes this doubt arises for people when somebody they know dies, or if they become sick, or old. It can also come from religious insight. Something in the mind clicks, and we are awakened to the fact that no matter what experiences we have, they all change, they come to an end, they die. Even if I”m the most famous, powerful, richest, influential person in the world, all that is going to die. It”s going to cease. So this question ”So what
” is an awakening of the mind.
If we were to do this ten-day retreat with the idea of getting ”a meditation experience”, then ”So what
” We still have to go back to work, still have to face the world, still have to go back to Melbourne, still have to go back to New Zealand. ...So what! What is the difference between ”a meditation experience” and doing a cruise on The Queen Elizabeth II
A bit cheaper maybe!
The Buddhist teaching is not aimed at just getting another kind of experience. It is about understanding the nature of experience itself. It is aimed at actually observing what it means to be a human being. We are contemplating life, letting go of delusion, letting go of the source of human suffering and realizing truth, realizing Dhamma. And that”s a different process altogether.
When we”re doing ”mindfulness of breathing” - anapanasati - we”re not doing it with the effort to get something later. We”re doing it to simply be with what is: just being with an in-breath, being with an out-breath. And what is the result when we”re being mindful in this way
Well, I think we can all see. The mind becomes calm, our attention is steady -we are aware and with the way things are.
So already we are able to see that calming the mind is a healthy and compassionate thing to do for ourselves. Also, notice how this practice creates space in the mind. We can see now the potential for really ”being attentive” to life. Our attention is not caught up. We”re not being ”kidnapped” all the time. We can really work with attention. If we”re obsessed with something, then our attention is absorbed into the object of obsession. When we”re worried, exhausted, upset, excited, desiring, depressed and so on, our attention energy is lost. So by calming the mind we”re creating space and ”freeing” attention.
And there is a beauty in that. When we go outside after this meditation period, maybe we”ll notice things in a different way - the green trees, the smells, what we”re walking on, the little lotuses in bloom. These pleasant experiences calm and relax us and are very helpful l - the same as going on a cruise. In New Zealand they go trekking in the mountains for relaxation.
But this kind of happiness, or suk…
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