..續本文上一頁ong view to question, whether or not the Buddha himself was really peaceful when meditating. At this stage of meditation to ask things like that...!

　　During that time I was in fact practicing a lot. I had only four hours of sleep, and these four hours had become such fixed habits that I could tell when they were over. As soon as the four hours had passed I”d get up and I would press the alarm-clock I had set, before it actually went off. Many times, every night. When one is still struggeling, things are confusing, but sooner or later one really ripens, always having resisted and gone against the grain. Finally peace develops and one feels inspired. All one”s efforts in the practice might finally have been quite all right, so one tries to continue in the same way, on and on, and it becomes more peaceful all the time. When I was new I tried out what Luang Por Chah said: to light an incense-stick and not to get up until the incense was burnt up. I was sitting there sweating and it wasn”t peaceful at all, the sweat was running down in big drops my whole body. I did it a lot, every day. One day I finally found the right balance, peace arose and when I opened my eyes, I was surprised: since when had the incense gone out

　　 From then on I finally felt encouraged. It meant that the words of the krooba~ajahns weren”t all wrong, if we only really followed them sincerely. I thought to myself, that when we don”t actually do what they taught us, it is ourselves that aren”t sincere, it”s nobody elses fault. It all depends on us. So, then I tried to sit continually trying to overcome myself. When I was tempted to get up, I thought, "I don”t care. If I am supposed to die, then -okay -I”ll die. If my leg is to fall off, okay, let it fall off. Let it all go. That”s how I thought. "If my legs die off - so what

　　 Don”t care. It doesn”t matter- I probably won”t die. ...death

　　! Okay, go ahead, I”ll die practicing. That”s just what the krooba-ajahns said: if you die while you put forth effort practicing, that”s better than dying while doing anything else. Doesn”t matter- believe the krooba- ajahns and just go ahead."

　　I went at ahead until I finally found peace, up to the present day. All because I believed the klooba- ajahns.

　　So for all of you it”s exactly the same. It”s not different at all. Things as confusion, I know them all, how they feel, how one worries where to go and how to carry on, even spoiling the peace that one already has. I know all this. So all of you need to try and give a little encouragement to yourselves. If it”s too much, you”ll be overconfident, if it”s too little, it won”t work.

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