..续本文上一页and a half to go to Bordeaux. When they got home, the wife had become a different person, very fresh, very happy, very lovable, because her husband had watered the flower of his lifelong friend. Before that he didn”t know how to water flowers…well, he must have known how to water flowers before that, but he never did it. I had to tell him to do it, and then he did it. So coming to Plum Village has its points sometimes.

　　If you live with your lifelong friend, if you”re living with your father or your mother, or your children, or your brother or your sister, you must remember to water the flowers. Everybody has some positive qualities if we can recognize them, and if we can mention them, if we can offer them to that person, then that person will have happiness very quickly. Therefore the practice of watering flowers is a wonderful practice. If necessary, we have to do it again and again, we have to repeat the qualities of that person, because they are true. That person really does have the spirit of self-sacrifice, that person really does have patience, etcetera. We have to say that, she is someone who is humble, she is someone who knows how to smile in difficult moments, and if necessary we have to repeat these qualities. When it”s sunny and hot, we have to water the flowers every day, we don”t just do it once and think that that”s enough. Our duty is to water the flowers of those we live with.

　　After we have finished watering flowers, we should look deeply and shine light on each other”s behavior. We ask the other person, "Please shine light on me, show me where I”m clumsy, where I make mistakes." This practice can be called "guidance offering." It means that we say sincerely to the person that we love: "I know that I have weaknesses. I am often forgetful, and I may have said and done things which have made you suffer. Please, tell me, what have I done

　　 If you tell me, I will not repeat these clumsinesses in the future."

　　In Plum Village, the monks and nuns and the lay people all do this practice of offering guidance. From time to time we have to join our palms and say, "Please, offer guidance to me. In these past weeks, have I said or done anything to make my brothers and my sisters suffer

　　 Can I do something better

　　 What can I do to make my brothers and sisters happier

　　 When we join our palms with all our sincerity, and ask like this, our brothers and sisters will be compassionate and they will show us. We will learn a great deal with this sincere request, and in the future we will not continue to do or say the things which have brought about suffering. This is called the method of offering guidance. If you live as a couple, or you live in a family of three or four, you can use this method of offering guidance in your family. We have so busy, but we are not so busy that we do not have time to sit down and drink tea together, and practice watering the flowers for each other, and asking each other, "My dear, during the last week have I done or said anything to make you suffer

　　 I really need to know. If you really love me, you will tell me."

　　If we practice once a week like this, the relationship between us will never get difficult, and in fact will grow more beautiful every day. The relationship between us is the foundation of our happiness. If our relationship, our communication, is not good, if we cut off the communication, then our relationship will deteriorate from day to day, and the internal formations in us will grow greater every day, and then the time will come when we cannot look at each other any more.

　　When you have suffering, you don”t just sit there and bear it, and let it overwhelm you. You have to recognize it, and seek its source. Where does it come from

　　 You can ask your lifelong friend, your dear one, wheth…

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