..续本文上一页te and not to harm ourselves or others

　　 How do we mix our intention to be alert and gentle in meditation with the reality that we sit down and immediately fall asleep

　　 What about when we sit down and spend the entire time thinking about how we crave someone or something we saw on the way to the meditation hall

　　 Or we sit down and squirm the whole morning because our knees hurt and our back hurts and we”re bored and fed up

　　 Instead of calm, wakeful, and egoless, we find ourselves getting more edgy, irritable, and solid.

　　This is an interesting place to find oneself. For the practitioner, this is an exceedingly important place.

　　When Naropa, seeking the meaning behind the words, set out to find a teacher, he continually found himself in this position of being squeezed. Intellectually he knew all about compassion, but when he came upon a filthy, lice-infested dog, he looked away. In the same vein, he knew all about nonattachment and not judging, but when his teacher asked him to do something he disapproved of, he refused.

　　We continually find ourselves in that squeeze. It”s a place where we look for alternatives to just being there. It”s an uncomfortable, embarrassing place, and it”s often the place where people like ourselves give up. We liked meditation and the teachings when we felt inspired and in touch with ourselves and on the right path. But what about when it begins to feel like a burden, like we made the wrong choice and it”s not living up to our expectations at all

　　 The people we are meeting are not all that sane. In fact, they seem pretty confused. The way the place is run is not up to par. Even the teacher is questionable.

　　This place of the squeeze is the very point in our meditation and in our lives where we can really learn something. The point where we are not able to take it or leave it, where we are caught between a rock and a hard place, caught with both the upliftedness of our ideas and the rawness of what”s happening in front of our eyes—that is indeed a very fruitful place.

　　When we feel squeezed, there”s a tendency for mind to become small. We feel miserable, like a victim, like a pathetic, hopeless case. Yet believe it or not, at that moment of hassle or bewilderment or embarrassment, our minds could become bigger. Instead of taking what”s occurred as a statement of personal weakness or someone else”s power, instead of feeling we are stupid or someone else is unkind, we could drop all the complaints about ourselves and others. We could be there, feeling off guard, not knowing what to do, just hanging out there with the raw and tender energy of the moment. This is the place where we begin to learn the meaning behind the concepts and the words.

　　We”re so used to running from discomfort, and we”re so predictable. If we don”t like it, we strike out at someone or beat up on ourselves. We want to have security and certainty of some kind when actually we have no ground to stand on at all.

　　The next time there”s no ground to stand on, don”t consider it an obstacle. Consider it a remarkable stroke of luck. We have no ground to stand on, and at the same time it could soften us and inspire us. Finally, after all these years, we could truly grow up. As Trungpa Rinpoche once said, the best mantra is "OM—grow up—svaha."

　　We are given changes all the time. We can either cling to security, or we can let ourselves feel exposed, as if we had just been born, as if we had just popped out into the brightness of life and were completely naked.

　　Maybe that sounds too uncomfortable or frightening, but on the other hand, it”s our chance to realize that this mundane world is all there is, and we could see it with new eyes and at long last wake up from our ancient sleep of preconceptions.

　　The truth, said an ancient Chinese master, is n…

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