..续本文上一页s from despair. That”s called unnecessary activity. It”s a way of keeping ourselves busy so we don”t have to feel any pain. It could take the form of obsessively daydreaming of true romance, or turning a tidbit of gossip into the six o”clock news, or even going off by ourselves into the wilderness.

　　The point is that in all these activities, we are seeking companionship in our usual, habitual way, using our same old repetitive ways of distancing ourselves from the demon loneliness. Could we just settle down and have some compassion and respect for ourselves

　　 Could we stop trying to escape from being alone with ourselves

　　 What about practicing not jumping and grabbing when we begin to panic

　　 Relaxing with loneliness is a worthy occupation. As the Japanese poet Ryokan says, "If you want to find the meaning, stop chasing after so many things."

　　Complete discipline is another component of cool loneliness. Complete discipline means that at every opportunity, we”re willing to come back, just gently come back to the present moment. This is loneliness as complete discipline. We”re willing to sit still, just be there, alone. We don”t particularly have to cultivate this kind of loneliness; we could just sit still long enough to realize it”s how things really are. We are fundamentally alone, and there is nothing anywhere to hold on to. Moreover, this is not a problem. In fact, it allows us to finally discover a completely unfabricated state of being. Our habitual assumptions—all our ideas about how things are—keep us from seeing anything in a fresh, open way. We say, "Oh yes, I know." But we don”t know. We don”t ultimately know anything. There”s no certainty about anything. This basic truth hurts, and we want to run away from it. But coming back and relaxing with something as familiar as loneliness is good discipline for realizing the profundity of the unresolved moments of our lives. We are cheating ourselves when we run away from the ambiguity of loneliness.

　　Not wandering in the world of desire is another way of describing cool loneliness. Wandering in the world of desire involves looking for alternatives, seeking something to comfort us—food, drink, people. The word desire encompasses that addiction quality, the way we grab for something because we want to find a way to make things okay. That quality comes from never having grown up. We still want to go home and be able to open the refrigerator and find it full of our favorite goodies; when the going gets tough, we want to yell "Mom!" But what we”re doing as we progress along the path is leaving home and becoming homeless. Not wandering in the world of desire is about relating directly with how things are. Loneliness is not a problem. Loneliness is nothing to be solved. The same is true for any other experience we might have.

　　Another aspect of cool loneliness is not seeking security from one”s discursive thoughts. The rug”s been pulled; the jig is up; there is no way to get out of this one! We don”t even seek the companionship of our own constant conversation with ourselves about how it is and how it isn”t, whether it is or whether it isn”t, whether it should or whether it shouldn”t, whether it can or whether it can”t. With cool loneliness we do not expect security from our own internal chatter. That”s why we are instructed in meditation to label it "thinking." It has no objective reality. It is transparent and ungraspable. We”re encouraged to just touch that chatter and let it go, not make much ado about nothing.

　　Cool loneliness allows us to look honestly and without aggression at our own minds. We can gradually drop our ideals of who we think we ought to be, or who we think we want to be, or who we think other people think we want to be or ought to be. We give it up and just look directly with compassion and humor at who we are. Then loneliness is no threat and heartache, no punishment.

　　Cool loneliness doesn”t provide any resolution or give us ground under our feet. It challenges us to step into a world of no reference point without polarizing or solidifying. This is called the middle way, or the sacred path of the warrior.

　　When you wake up in the morning and out of nowhere comes the heartache of alienation and loneliness, could you use that as a golden opportunity

　　 Rather than persecuting yourself or feeling that something terribly wrong is happening, right there in the moment of sadness and longing, could you relax and touch the limitless space of the human heart

　　 The next time you get a chance, experiment with this.

《Six Kinds of Loneliness》全文阅读结束。