Longing for Happiness

　　byDzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche

　　What is it that we long for every day

　　 What are we longing for when we want a big house, or a beautiful companion

　　 What is it we really desire when we want a great job, a really nice car, lots of wealth, or success in our work

　　 We want one thing: happiness. The happiness we seek gets translated into all those things.

　　Happiness is what we want, and we”ve decided that the big house or great success or making a big name will bring us happiness. There”s nothing wrong with wanting happiness. It”s just that we must examine whether a big house, or great success, or a big name will produce a deep sense of happiness and contentment. Isn”t it intelligent to question this

　　 Since we”re caught up in speeding toward what we think will bring us happiness, it doesn”t work for someone to just come along and say, “No, these things won”t bring you happiness.” That would be jarring, and too disappointing to hear. But we should at least question whether we will really find what we want through these means.

　　Let”s consider how many things we”ve wanted in the past which we actually got. Have they brought us happiness and satisfaction

　　 Perhaps they did, but only for a little while before we moved on to something else. Will it be the same thing this time

　　Questioning yourself like this, without the pressure of religious beliefs, or pressure from a teacher, or friends, doesn”t mean you have to renounce everything or become uninterested in everything. That is not the goal here. We”re not trying to make anybody renounce anything. We”re not encouraging anybody to become monks and nuns. All we”re trying to do is make people question their own mind.

　　We all want happiness. That”s a noble thing. We all want freedom from suffering. That”s a noble thing. But how will we achieve this happiness and this freedom from suffering

　　 This is what we have to understand. Even though we constantly fantasize and are fully occupied with our attempts to fulfill this desire for happiness and freedom from suffering, we see that it doesn”t work for others, and hasn”t worked for us in the past. Happiness didn”t come from our earlier attempts or didn”t last for long even when our desires were fulfilled. So we need to have another alternative, another approach. To have no alternative when we”re constantly failing in our endeavor is just indulging in something fundamentally hopeless, and not a good reflection on our intelligence.

　　In this spirit, we may decide, “I need to do what I do to live productively in the world, to fit into society, to support myself or my family in the ways that conventional people do.” I understand that. I have similar responsibilities and I very gladly take on those responsibilities. But I don”t completely believe this is how I can fulfill my destiny or my deep desire for happiness. It is not how I can fulfill my desire for freedom from suffering. So therefore I must balance my life, outwardly doing what I am doing while inwardly adopting a different discipline. That other discipline is the discipline of Dharma. In this, I mean the discipline of changing our physical, verbal, and mental states; becoming more and more gentle, kinder, more compassionate, and really learning how to cultivate a deep sense of affinity with others.

　　I think developing our affinity with others is very important. If we have no affinity with others, we are bound to be isolated in our own world, even within our own family. In our own world we”re caught up in our self-absorption. When we feel affinity with others we”re bound to share our life with others. Though of course we each come into this world with our own karma, nonetheless we can share our lives with others when we feel connected. So learning how to feel a strong sense o…

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