Being A Lamp For Others
by Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche
When we”ve lived our life well, we should be able to think: “I am content with everything that”s in my life, just as it is. My deepest wish is to continue gaining wisdom, and acquiring tools to work skillfully with my mind. Although it”s true that I may have to work at my livelihood, or with my family circumstances, my health, or with certain areas of my life, these are simply the “field trips” for developing my wisdom and skill. At my job, getting promoted shouldn”t be the incentive for me to work harder. There may be some short-term benefit and gratification in a promotion, but it”s much more gratifying to use this job as a field trip for working with my mind, to increase my wisdom and skill. Through that perspective, the benefits of going to work will be much greater. Without being subject to the conventional mindset of success and failure, I won”t feel so deeply attached and vulnerable, as if all I live for is that kind of conventional success.”
If we can nurture this same attitude in our marriage, in raising our children, in relating to parents and extended family members, in all types of social interactions with people inside and outside our community, then we can tie everything together as a single path of wisdom and skill. Pursuing a spiritual path doesn”t require us to be isolated. Some isolation is useful, but it”s important to have a balance between solitary meditation and engagement with work, family, and social interactions. We refer to these as post-meditation activities. With this kind of balance, our mind can grow more deeply resolved and content with every passing year.
We struggle with so many habitual passions, desires, and neuroses, which confuse us by making us feel like we”re always in a race. If we feel we”re ahead in the race, then we”re momentarily pleased we”ve achieved something; but if we fall behind, we feel that we”ve failed. Ahead means happiness, behind means suffering. But from someone else”s point of view, whatever we achieve through this kind of ego struggle will not even look like real happiness. Your colleagues, who work just as hard as you, will have a difficult time acknowledging that you”ve achieved happiness if your ego has just grown bigger and your self-indulgence and arrogance have increased. This so-called “happiness” you”re working for is just in your mind!
When you fail to meet your expectations, then your suffering is also just in your mind—set into particular motion by your goals and expectations. When things don”t turn out the way you think they should, it seems horrible. This is not the way that things were supposed to be! That”s how we feel. Some suffering we certainly must acknowledge as actual suffering. But ascribing a certain meaning to life and then feeling we have failed to achieve that is a suffering created by our own mind. Another person could be in an identical position, but have a totally different attitude, experience, and state of mind. If we go to another country, we can see clearly that people are quite happy without having all that we strive to attain. This helps us to see that happiness and suffering have to do with how we set our minds, and how we see ourselves in relation to others—as either ahead or behind in this imaginary race.
To improve our capacity and develop confidence in changing this deluded perspective, we can begin by regarding our given work, family, social interactions, and everything else in our lives as field trips. We don”t have to give any of them away, or abandon them. Instead, we can use our circumstances as tools for increasing our wisdom and our skill in working with our mind, rather than falling asleep to those situations. Success and failure are secondary compared to the growth w…
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