..续本文上一页mis, anagamis, arahants. So I need to find a community where I”m only living with sotapannas at least; and if there”s sotapannas, hopefully a few arahants will be around too.” But then, try to find a community where that exists.... With a grasping mind, even if you found it, you wouldn”t recognise it, because even arahants can be irritating. So instead of trying to find the ideal community, I use the community that I”m in.

　　When living in this community, people affect me; thus my personality arises, together with various emotional reactions. The refuge, however, is in the awareness of this, in trusting our ability to be aware. When we are committed to awareness, then whatever happens, it belongs. When we are confident in awareness, there”s nothing that can be an obstruction except ignorance and forgetfulness.

　　The style of practice that we use here points us always to the present. It is about learning, recognising, exploring and investigating. What is the self

　　 What is personality

　　 Don”t be afraid of being a personality, but rather, be conscious of it. Personality arises and ceases in consciousness. It changes according to conditions. But awareness is a constant thing, although we might forget it, getting lost in the momentum of emotions and habits. So it”s helpful to have ways of reminding ourselves, like the mantra ”Buddho” that we use. ”Buddho” means ”awake”, ”wake up”, ”pay attention”, ”listen”.

　　In practice I”ve used the listening faculty. I listen. When I listen, I listen to myself, and I listen to the sounds that impinge on my ears: the sounds within and the sounds without. This attentive listening is very supportive to intuitive awareness. So I listen to the rain, I listen to the silence. When I listen to the silence, I listen to the sound of silence.

　　If you consciously notice this awareness, and appreciate it, you move more towards being nobody, towards not knowing anything at all, rather than being someone who knows everything about everything, and having all the answers to all the questions, and knowing the solutions to every problem. To be nobody knowing nothing is scary, isn”t it

　　 But this attitude helps to direct us, because there is a strong desire in us to become, to attain and achieve. Even with the best of intentions, if that kind of desire is not recognised, it will always control you, whether it is the desire to become something, the desire to control things, or the desire to get rid of annoying things or bad thoughts or irritations around you. So trust in this awareness, this openness, this receptivity, attention, listening. And question the personality. For instance, I bring up my own personality, ”I”m Ajahn Sumedho. These are my robes, and these are my spectacles.”

　　Somebody sent me a lovely card the other day. It had a quote that says ”There is no way to happiness: happiness is the way.” Simple as that. Happiness is the way, or mindfulness is. Mindfulness, how do you become mindful

　　 And then we can give all kinds of advice on meditation techniques, developing mindfulness in this and that, and yet you can still have not a clue what mindfulness is, even though you”ve got it all figured out. So stop trying to figure it out. Trust in it, in your awareness in the present, even if you feel you”re someone who can”t do it; you think you”re a heedless person with too many emotional problems, and think you have to get this level of samadhi before you can possibly attain anything. Listen to that. That”s all self-view, sakkaya-ditthi operating. No matter how intimidated you are by your thinking, trust in the awareness of it and not in the judging of it. You don”t need to get rid of it, but recognise: thinking is like this, views, opinions, attachment to views and opinions are like this. Then you”ll begin to see w…

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