..续本文上一页ade no sense to be angry with Puut. His friend had not plotted behind his back and was painfully embarrassed by the whole affair. But this disappointment was a profound one, a sharp and hurtful lesson in the uncertainties that bedevil human affairs. Where should you, where could you, place your trust
Luang Por maintained his friendship with Puut, and indeed it was to last for the rest of Luang Por”s life. But with Jyy he had to be more circumspect; his feelings could not be denied by an act of will. Even after becoming a monk, if Luang Por saw her in the monastery, he would have to do his utmost to avoid a meeting that might stir up painful emotions. Luang Por admitted that for the first seven years of his monkhood it was impossible to completely let go of his thoughts of Jyy. Perhaps after all, by some miracle, she would become free. The same tantalizing scenarios periodically recurred in his mind, the same facile, happy endings. Could he then in such a case remain in the robes
He didn”t know. It was only when he finally left his familiar surroundings and through meditation practice gained a method of stilling his thoughts and seeing them in perspective that the fantasies faded. In later years as abbot of Wat Nong Pah Pong, describing to the monks the drawbacks of sensual desire, he would often talk of the debt of gratitude he owed to Puut: “If he hadn”t married Maa Jyy, then I probably wouldn”t be here today”, he would say.
When Luang Por”s name was missing from the list of young men from Ubon called up for National Service, he was free to ask for ordination. But by this time his ideas about becoming a monk had changed. He no longer considered it simply in terms of making merit for his parents, an expression of the gratitude he felt towards them. These were certainly noble aims, but he desired something more, something that could resolve the dis-ease in his heart. Lay life seemed hollow, tedious, and full of vicissitudes; perhaps the monastic life could lead him to meaning and peace. He would ordain for an indefinite period. His mother and father were pleased. They had enough children to help with the farm work, and it was auspicious to have a son in robes. The ordination ceremony took place on the April 26, 1939, at Wat Gor Ny, the local monastery, on a hot, shimmering afternoon. Phra Kroo Intarasarakun was Luang Por”s preceptor and conferred on him the monk”s name of Subhaddo (well- developed).
Luang Por spent the first two years of his monastic life at Wat Bahn Gor: “At the end of the rains retreat, the monks and novices who joined the Sangha at the same time as me all disrobed. Sometimes before disrobing they”d try on their lay clothes and parade up and down. I thought they were completely insane. But they thought they looked good, that their clothes were smart, and they talked about the things they were going to do after they disrobed. I didn”t dare to tell them that they”d got it all wrong because I didn”t know how durable my own faith was. After my friends disrobed, I became resigned. “You”re on your own now”, I said to myself, and pulled out my copy of the Pātimokkha (the monk”s rules of discipline) and started to memorize it. It was easier than before with nobody teasing me or fooling around. I was able to concentrate on it fully. I didn”t say anything, but I made a resolution that from that day onwards until the end of my life, whether it be at the age of seventy or eighty or whatever, I would try to practice with a constant appreciation, not allow my efforts to slacken or my faith to weaken. To be consistent! That is an extremely difficult task, and I didn”t dare to tell anyone else.”
Venerable Ajahn Jayasaro
About Luang Por Chah
Venerable Ajahn Chah was born on June 17, 1918 in a small village near …
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