..续本文上一页 teacher," not a big one. Why do I say a "small teacher"

　　 Because I didn”t practice. I taught the Vinaya but I didn”t practice it. This I call a small teacher, an inferior teacher. I say an "inferior teacher" because when it came to the practice I was deficient. For the most part my practice was a long way off the theory, just as if I hadn”t learned the Vinaya at all.

　　However, I would like to state that in practical terms it”s impossible to know the Vinaya completely, because some things, whether we know them or not, are still offenses. This is tricky. And yet it is stressed that if we do not yet understand any particular training rule or teaching, we must study that rule with enthusiasm and respect. If we don”t know, then we should make an effort to learn. If we don”t make an effort, that is in itself an offense.

　　For example, if you doubt... suppose there is a woman and, not knowing whether she is a woman or a man, you touch her. [7] You”re not sure, but still go ahead and touch... that”s still wrong. I used to wonder why that should be wrong, but when I considered the practice, I realized that a meditator must have sati, he must be circumspect. Whether talking, touching or holding things, he must first thoroughly consider. The error in this case is that there is no sati, or insufficient sati, or a lack of concern at that time.

　　Take another example: it”s only eleven o”clock in the morning but at the time the sky is cloudy, we can”t see the sun, and we have no clock. Now suppose we estimate that it”s probably afternoon... we really feel that it”s afternoon... and yet we proceed to eat something. We start eating and then the clouds part and we see from the position of the sun that it”s only just past eleven. This is still an offense. [8] I used to wonder, "Eh

　　 It”s not yet past mid-day, why is this an offense

　　"

　　An offense is incurred here because of negligence, carelessness, we don”t thoroughly consider. There is a lack of restraint. If there is doubt and we act on the doubt, there is a dukkata [9] offense just for acting in the face of the doubt. We think that it is afternoon when in fact it isn”t. The act of eating is not wrong in itself, but there is an offense here because we are careless and negligent. If it really is afternoon but we think it isn”t, then it”s the heavier pacittiya offense. If we act with doubt, whether the action is wrong or not, we still incur an offense. If the action is not wrong in itself it is the lesser offense; if it is wrong then the heavier offense is incurred. Therefore the Vinaya can get quite bewildering.

　　At one time I went to see Venerable Ajahn Mun. [10] At that time I had just begun to practice. I had read the Pubbasikkha [11] and could understand that fairly well. Then I went on to read the Visuddhimagga, where the author writes of the Silanidesa (Book of Precepts), Samadhinidesa (Book of Mind-Training) and Paññanidesa (Book of Understanding)... I felt my head was going to burst! After reading that, I felt that it was beyond the ability of a human being to practice. But then I reflected that the Buddha would not teach something that is impossible to practice. He wouldn”t teach it and he wouldn”t declare it, because those things would be useful neither to himself nor to others. The Silanidesa is extremely meticulous, the Samadhinidesa more so, and the Paññanidesa even more so! I sat and thought, "Well, I can”t go any further. There”s no way ahead." It was as if I”d reached a dead-end.

　　At this stage I was struggling with my practice... I was stuck. It so happened that I had a chance to go and see Venerable Ajahn Mun, so I asked him: "Venerable Ajahn, what am I to do

　　 I”ve just begun to practice but I still don”t know the right way. I have so many doubts I …

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