..续本文上一页the greater part of a Rains Retreat I had thought about it. In the end I grabbed my wallet and walked over to a certain Maha who was living with me at the time, setting the wallet down in front of him.

　　"Here, Maha, take this money. From today onwards, as long as I”m a monk, I will not receive or hold money. You can be my witness."

　　"You keep it, Venerable, you may need it for your studies"... The Venerable Maha wasn”t keen to take the money, he was embarrassed...

　　"Why do you want to throw away all this money

　　"

　　"You don”t have to worry about me. I”ve made my decision. I decided last night."

　　From the day he took that money it was as if a gap had opened between us. We could no longer understand each other. He”s still my witness to this very day. Ever since that day I haven”t used money or engaged in any buying or selling. I”ve been restrained in every way with money. I was constantly wary of wrongdoing, even though I hadn”t done anything wrong. Inwardly I maintained the meditation practice. I no longer needed wealth, I saw it as a poison. Whether you give poison to a human being, a dog or anything else, it invariably causes death or suffering. If we see clearly like this we will be constantly on our guard not to take that "poison." When we clearly see the harm in it, it”s not difficult to give up.

　　Regarding food and meals brought as offerings, if I doubted them I wouldn”t accept them. No matter how delicious or refined the food might be, I wouldn”t eat it. Take a simple example, like raw pickled fish. Suppose you are living in a forest and you go on almsround and receive only rice and some pickled fish wrapped in leaves. When you return to your dwelling and open the packet you find that it”s raw pickled fish... just throw it away! [17] Eating plain rice is better than transgressing the precepts. It has to be like this before you can say you really understand, then the Vinaya becomes simpler.

　　If other monks wanted to give me requisites, such as bowl, razor or whatever, I wouldn”t accept, unless I knew them as fellow practicers with a similar standard of Vinaya. Why not

　　 How can you trust someone who is unrestrained

　　 They can do all sorts of things. Unrestrained monks don”t see the value of the Vinaya, so it”s possible that they could have obtained those things in improper ways. I was as scrupulous as this.

　　As a result, some of my fellow monks would look askance at me..."He doesn”t socialize, he won”t mix..." I was unmoved: "Sure, we can mix when we die. When it comes to death we are all in the same boat," I thought. I lived with endurance. I was one who spoke little. If others criticized my practice I was unmoved. Why

　　 Because even if I explained to them they wouldn”t understand. They knew nothing about practice. Like those times when I would be invited to a funeral ceremony and somebody would say, "...Don”t listen to him! Just put the money in his bag and don”t say anything about it... don”t let him know." [18] I would say, "Hey, do you think I”m dead or something

　　 Just because one calls alcohol perfume doesn”t make it become perfume, you know. But you people, when you want to drink alcohol you call it perfume, then go ahead and drink. You must be crazy!".

　　The Vinaya, then, can be difficult. You have to be content with little, aloof. You must see, and see right. Once, when I was traveling through Saraburi, my group went to stay in a village temple for a while. The Abbot there had about the same seniority as myself. In the morning, we would all go on almsround together, then come back to the monastery and put down our bowls. Presently the laypeople would bring dishes of food into the hall and set them down. Then the monks would go and pick them up, open them and lay them in a line to be formally offered. One monk woul…

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