On Making a Mistake

　　Ajahn Brahmavamso

　　Ajahn Brahmavamso is the Abbot of Bodhinyana Monastery in Wetern Australia. These Dhamma reflections are extracted from a talk he gave at the Dhammaloka Centre in Perth in 1990.

　　Enlightenment means there is no anger left in your heart. There are no personal desires or delusion left in your heart.

　　In this life that we have we often forget that it”s no great thing to make a mistake. In Buddhism it”s all right to make a mistake. It is all right to be imperfect. Isn”t that wonderful

　　 This means that we have the freedom to be a human being, rather than thinking of ourselves as someone wonderful and great who never makes mistakes. It is horrible, isn”t it, if we think we are not allowed to make mistakes, because we do make mistakes, then we have to hide and try to cover them up. So the home then is not a place of peace and quiet and comfort. Of course most people who are sceptical say: "Well if you allow people to make mistakes, how will they ever learn

　　 They will just keep on making even more mistakes". But that is not the way it actually works. To illustrate this point, when I was a teenager my father said to me that he would never throw me out or bar the door of his house to me, no matter what I did; I would always be allowed in there, even if I had made the worst mistakes. When I heard that, I understood it as an expression of love, of acceptance. It inspired me and I respected him so much that I did not want to hurt him, I did not want to give him trouble, and so I tried even harder to be worthy of his house.

　　Now if we could try that with the people we live with, we”d see that it gives them the freedom and the space to relax and be peaceful, and it takes away all the tension. In that ease, there comes respect and care for the other person. So I challenge you to try the experiment of allowing people to make mistakes - to say to your mate, your parents or your children: "The door of my house will always be open to you; the door of my heart will always be open to you no matter what you do." Say it to yourself too: "The door of my house is always open to me." Allow yourself to make mistakes too. Can you think of all the mistakes you have made in the last week

　　 Can you let them be, can you still be a friend to yourself

　　 It is only when we allow ourselves to make mistakes that we can finally be at ease.

　　That is what we mean by compassion, by metta, by love. It has to be unconditional. If you only love someone because they do what you like, or because they always live up to your expectations, then of course that love is not worth very much. That”s like a business deal love: "I will love you if you give me something back in return."

　　When I first became a monk I thought monks had to be perfect. I thought they should never make mistakes; that when they sit in meditation they must always sit straight. But those of you who have been at the morning sit at 4:30 am, especially after working hard the day before, you will know that you can be quite tired; you can slump, you can even nod. But that is all right. It is all right to make mistakes. Can you feel how easy it feels, how all that tension and stress disappears when you allow yourself to make mistakes

　　The trouble is that we tend to amplify the mistakes and forget the successes, which creates so much of a burden of guilt and heaviness. So instead we can turn to our successes, the good things we have done in our life; we could call it our Buddha nature within us. If you turn to that, it grows; whereas if you turn to the mistakes, they grow. If you dwell on any thought in the mind, any train of thought, it grows and grows, doesn”t it

　　 So we turn our hearts around and dwell upon the positive in ourselves, the purity, the goodness, the source…

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