..续本文上一页my walking meditation — a little after 9 p.m. — I lay down for a short rest, meditating all the while, and another incident occurred. I felt as if someone were rubbing my legs with his hands, making me feel numb first up to my waist, and then all the way to my head. I had almost no sense of feeling at all, and thought I was going to lose consciousness. So I sat right up and entered concentration — my mind absolutely still, clear and bright. I decided that if this was death, I”d be willing to go. The one other thought that occurred to me was that I was going to pass out because I had been living on nothing but leaves.
As soon as my awareness was in place, it started expanding itself out through my body, and the feeling of numbness gradually began to dissipate — like clouds when they float past the light of the sun — until there was no trace of numbness left at all. My mind returned to normal, and then a light went shooting out from it, focusing on the log where I had bathed in the stream, telling me to get the rocks out of the way because the stream was a path the spirits took. So when I awoke next morning I went to the stream and removed the rocks, letting the water flow as before.
That night it seemed as if there were going to be another incident. Something struck the wall of my hut and shook it, but then that was all. I lay down to meditate, because I was feeling weak, and as I began to doze off I had a dream: Herds of strange-looking animals, about the size of pigs, were coming down from the waterfall at the source of the stream. Each had the bushy tail of a squirrel and the head of a goat. Huge swarms of them were coming down the stream, passing the spot where I was sleeping. After a few moments I saw a woman, about 30, wearing an indigo blouse and indigo skirt reaching just a little below her knees. She was carrying something — I don”t know what you”d call it — in her hand, and she said that she was the spirit residing in the waterfall, that she had to go down to the sea like this constantly. Her name was Nang Jan.
For the next few nights I was very earnest in my meditation, but there were no more incidents.
After a while I returned to Baan Pong to a spot where Ajaan Mun had once stayed, and there ran into Phra Khien again. We decided that we would have to go together , and search for Ajaan Mun until we found him. So, after saying good-bye to the villagers there, we set out for Chieng Dao (StarCity) Cave. Before reaching Chieng Dao mountain, we climbed up to stay in a small cave where Ajaan Mun had once stayed, and then went on, reaching Chieng Dao Cave the twelfth day of the waxing moon, the third lunar month (February 6). We made an all-out effort to meditate both day and night.
On the night of the full moon — Magha Puja — I decided to sit in meditation as an offering to the Buddha. A little after 9 p.m. my mind became absolutely still. It seemed as if breath and light were radiating from my body in all directions. At the moment, I was focusing on my breath, which was so subtle that I scarcely seemed to be breathing at all. My heart was quiet, my mind still. The breath in my body didn”t seem to be moving at all. It was simply quiet and still. My mind had completely stopped formulating thoughts — how all my thoughts had stopped, I had no idea. But I was aware — feeling bright, expansive and at ease — with a sense of freedom that wiped out all feeling of pain.
After about an hour of this, teachings began to appear in my heart. This, in short, is what they said: "Focus down and examine becoming, birth, death and unawareness to see how they come about." A vision came to me as plain as if it were right before my eyes: "Birth is like a lightning flash. Death is like a lightning flash." So I focused on the causes leading to …
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