..续本文上一页he mind.

　　I”m bringing this up into full consciousness, these trivial things, which you can just push aside because they are trivial, and one doesn”t want to be bothered with the trivialities of life; but when we don”t bother, then all that gets repressed, so it becomes a problem. We start feeling anxiety, feeling aversion to ourselves or to other people, or depressed; all this comes from refusing to allow conditions, trivialities, or horrible things to become conscious.

　　Then there is the doubting state of mind, never quite sure what to do: there”s fear and doubt, uncertainty and hesitation. Deliberately bring up that state of never being sure, just to be relaxed with that state of where the mind is when you”re not grasping hold of any particular thing. "What should I do, should I stay or should I go, should I do this or should I do that, should I do anapanasati or should I do vipassana

　　" Look at that. Ask yourself questions that can”t be answered, like "Who am I

　　". Notice that empty space before you start thinking it - "who

　　" - just be alert, just close your eyes, and just before you think "who", just look, the mind”s quite empty, isn”t it

　　 Then, "Who-am-I

　　", and then the space after the question mark. That thought comes and goes out of emptiness, doesn”t it

　　 When you”re just caught in habitual thinking, you can”t see the arising of thought, can you

　　 You can”t see, you can only catch thought after you realize you”ve been thinking; so start deliberately thinking, and catch the beginning of a thought, before you actually think it. You take deliberate thoughts like, "Who is the Buddha

　　" Deliberately think that, so that you see the beginning, the forming of a thought, and the end of it, and the space around it. You”re looking at thought and concept in a perspective, rather than just reacting to them.

　　Say you”re angry with somebody. You think, "That”s what he said, he said that and he said this and then he did this and he didn”t do that right, and he did that all wrong, he”s so selfish... and then I remember what he did to so-and-so, and then..." One thing goes on to the next, doesn”t it

　　 You”re just caught in this one thing going on to the next, motivated by aversion. So rather than just being caught in that whole stream of associated thoughts, concepts, deliberately think: "He is the most selfish person I have ever met." And then the ending, emptiness. "He is a rotten egg, a dirty rat, he did this and then he did that," and you can see, it”s really funny, isn”t it

　　 When I first went to Wat Pah Pong, I used to have tremendous anger and aversion arise. I”d just feel so frustrated, sometimes because I never knew what was really happening, and I didn”t want to have to conform so much as I had to there. I was just fuming. Ajahn Chah would be going on - he could give two hour talks in Lao - and I”d have a terrible pain in the knees. So I”d have those thoughts: "Why don”t you ever stop talking

　　 I though Dhamma was simple, why does he have to take two hours to say something

　　" I”d become very critical of everybody, and then I started reflecting on this and listening to myself, getting angry, being critical, being nasty, resenting, "I don”t want this, I don”t want that, I don”t like this, I don”t see why I have to sit here, I don”t want to be bothered with this silly thing, I don”t know...", on and on. And I kept thinking, "Is that a very nice person that”s saying that

　　 Is that what you want to be like, that thing that”s always complaining and criticizing, finding fault, is that the kind of person you want to be

　　" "No! I don”t want to be like that."

　　But I had to make it fully conscious to really see it, rather than believe in it. I felt very righteous within myself, and when you feel righteous, and indignant, and you”re feeling that they”r…

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