..续本文上一页es and compulsions can be. We see them as mental objects rather than as needs we must fulfill. Even though the mind sometimes screams, "I can”t take any more of this," the truth of the matter is that we can take more. Human beings have amazing powers of endurance. If we learn to endure and not just be caught in the momentum of impulsivity, then we begin to find a strength in our practice. We don”t have to be a slave to habits and impulses.

　　The many rules of monastic life were based on this restraint. One of rules that used to really irritate me in the beginning concerned the wearing of robes. We were given three robes when we became a monk. The custom in the Thai forest tradition is to wear all three robes when going out on the morning almsround. The mornings were hot, and we usually had to walk quite a long distance through paddy fields and villages. By the time we got back, all our robes were soaking wet with sweat. The robes were dyed with natural, jackfruit dye, so after a while, the mixture of sweat and jackfruit dye begins to smell really terrible. Life centered around robes—using the robes, washing the robes, sewing the robes. I didn”t want to live around robes; I wanted to meditate.

　　I found this incredibly frustrating. I remember saying to one of the other monks, "This is a stupid custom, wearing all these robes. All we need is one thin robe; it covers us adequately. It is very difficult to make our heavy, double robes. It takes a lot of cloth, and by wearing it every day out in the heat, it easily deteriorates. Then we have to make another one—more material, more dying, more sewing." I made a very good case for not wearing all three robes, being the very reasonable man that I am. But I was really just whining and complaining.

　　Well, the monk told Ajahn Chah, so I was called to see him. I felt so embarrassed. Suddenly it dawned on me: Why make a problem out of this

　　 Just wear the robes. It”s not worth making a scene about. I can bear it. It isn”t going to ruin my life. What is ruining my life is my whining mind: "I don”t want to do this, this is stupid, I can”t see any point." This complaining was eating me up from inside—whining, blaming, holding strong views, getting fed up, wanting to leave, not wanting to cooperate, griping about life. That”s the suffering that I couldn”t bear. I came to see that even throughout much of my life before becoming a monk, even in the midst of a comfortable lifestyle, I had a habit of complaining and endlessly looking at things through a critical eye.

　　These are the things we can contemplate. We can”t control what arises in the mind, but we can reflect on what we are feeling and learn from it rather than simply being caught helplessly in our impulses and habits. Even though there is a lot in life that we can”t change, we can change our attitude towards it. That”s what so much of meditation is really about—changing our attitude from a self-centered, "get rid of this or get more of that" to one of welcoming life as it is. Welcoming the opportunity to eat food that we don”t like. Welcoming wearing three robes on a hot morning. Welcoming discomfort, feeling fed up, wanting to run away. This way of welcoming life reflects a deeper understanding. Life is like this. Sometimes it”s very nice, sometimes it”s horrible, and much of the time it”s neither one way nor the other. Life is like this.

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