..续本文上一页ollow the White, Anglo-Saxon, Protestant values like my parents

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　　But I began to appreciate the need, the goodness, of being dependent in the right way, of admitting interdependence. It takes some humility to learn to be dependent on others again. With pride and conceit, one thinks, ”I don”t want to be in debt or owe anything to anybody.” Here, we humbly recognise our dependence on each other: dependence on the anagarikas [postulants], on the lay people, on the junior monks. Even though I”m senior bhikkhu here, I”m still very dependent on the rest of you. This is always to be considered in one”s life, rather than to be rejected or be resented, because we recognise that we are always interdependent, helping each other. This is a dependence based on conventions and on the material world, and on compassionate and joyous relationships. Even if we don”t have any joy or love for each other, we can at least be kind, not vindictive or nasty to each other. We can trust each other.

　　Don”t expect any social situation, any society, any organisation or group to be perfect or to be an end in itself. It”s only a conventional form, and like anything, it is unsatisfactory if we”re expecting to be completely satisfied by it. Any teacher or guru that you attach to will inevitably disappoint you in some respect – even if they are saintly gurus, they still die ... or they disrobe and marry 16-year-old girls.... They might do anything: the history of religious idols can be really disillusioning! I used to consider, when I was a young bhikkhu in Thailand, what would I do if Ajahn Chah suddenly said, ”Buddhism is a farce! I want nothing to do with it! I”m going to disrobe and marry a rich woman”

　　 What would I do if Ajahn Buddhadasa, one of the famous scholar-monks of Thailand, said, ”Studying Buddhism all these years is a farce, it”s a waste of time. I”m going to become a Christian!”

　　What would I do if the D_Lama disrobed and married an American lady

　　 What would I do if Venerables Sucitto and Tiradhammo and all these people just suddenly said, ”I”m going to leave. I want to get out and have some fun!”

　　 If all the anagarikas suddenly said, ”I”m fed up with this!”

　　 All the nuns ran away with the anagarikas

　　 What would I do

　　Does my being a monk depend on the support or devotion of all the other people around me, or the pronouncements of Ajahn Chah or the D_Lama

　　 Does my practice of meditation depend upon support from others, encouragement, and having everybody live up to my expectations

　　 If it does, it could be easily destroyed, couldn”t it

　　When I was a junior monk, I used to consider that I must have confidence in my own insight and not depend on every, one around me supporting my particular position. Through the years I”ve had many chances to be disillusioned in this life ... but I keep reflecting, rather than depending on everything going in a positive way for me. What I”m doing I have confidence in, from my own understanding of it, not because I believe or need the support and approval of others. In your life you must ask these questions: is your becoming a samana – a monk or a nun – dependent upon me encouraging you, upon others, upon hope, expectations for the future, upon rewards and all that

　　 Or are you determined in your own right to realise the truth

　　Then stay within the particular conventional form, pushing it to its ultimate just to see how far it can take you, rather than give up when it doesn”t, when you begin to be disillusioned with the whole thing. Sometimes at Wat Pah Pong I felt so fed up with things and felt so negative towards the other monks, not because they did anything very wrong, but just because I became depressed and couldn”t see anything other than negative views. Then it was necessary to observe it, rather than to beli…

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