Inside is Like Bread for Life, by John Tarrant, Roshi

　　There was a great old Chinese student called Yuan-wu who compiled the earliest and perhaps the best known of the koan collections called the Blue Cliff Record. He trained in a number of different schools and when he went to the person who was eventually to become his true teacher, Fa-yen (Jap: Goso Hoen), they had this dialogue. Fa-yen said, "Well, it”s as I thought, you don”t understand."- And Yuan-wu thought this was a bad teacher and said, "Well, I do understand. Sorry." And the teacher said, "Oh, that”s okay, remember me when you are sick with fever." And Yuan-wu went away. And years later when he was ill in bed, he remembered Fa-yen”s words. And he went back to him when he was better, and in turn became as well known. And his name is still remembered in rural New South Wales.

　　This is an example of what the koan tradition can provide when it is doing well. Later perhaps I”ll talk about what it provides when it”s not doing well, which is also a reality. But we respect somebody who tells us the truth and the great tradition does tell us the truth about ourselves. And we respect somebody who tells us the truth even more than somebody who gives us tea and cookies. There is a part of us that is hungry to know the truth, hungry to open up. And there”s another part of us that wants to cruise and will even do weird things like zazen in order NOT to open up. But it is true that no matter why we come to Zen, in all of us there is this marvellous seed that wishes to bloom and wishes to connect with others in the universe who are on the same path.

　　When we become clear - I don”t know about you - my experience is that everybody”s path is to some extent unique. Yet the view is the same. So that some people have big ecstatic, sometimes obnoxiously ecstatic experiences and other people don”t seem to have experiences with a big E, but get clearer and clearer gradually, all the time. From my point of view, there”s no approved method of coming to understanding, it is just important that we come to understanding. There”s no particular value in flash. I think there is a great value in sincerity and being honest with ourselves.

　　And when we come to realisation, I think what has happened is we”ve stopped getting in our own way and at each level of realisation, this is true. Whatever intimations or glimpses we have come when we stop having opinions about our experience. We stop having our customary opinions and before new opinions pour in, there is a gap and we can actually experience our own lives and our own home. And this is what the koan tradition is all about. Sometimes it uses language that is alien to us for reasons of culture and this is too bad and the only excuse I can offer is that our ancient teachers in China were greater than we are and we are struggling to do our best, but there it is. And sometimes the expressions are strange because they come from beyond our small self and demand a wider view than we have available. And so there can be both this tantalising, exquisite and painful quality to following the way of reality.

　　However when things do become clear because for the moment there is nothing in the way of the view, the taste is very strong, and this is what keeps us coming back to retreats. We all know how repulsive a retreat is. (Laughter) And yet, I don”t think I”m ever happier than in sesshin, really. And I never like to get up in the morning. And that hasn”t changed. (Laughter) What a joy we have. Your realisation opens the gate of life and we know when that gate is open, we can taste it, we can smell it, we can feel it with every pore of our skin and we know the difference. We know when we are walking in the Tao and when we are merely somnambulating, when we are just w…

《Inside is Like Bread for Life》全文未完，請進入下頁繼續閱讀…