Self-view, Personality and Awareness

　　by Ajahn Sumedho

　　A talk given by Luang Por Sumedho in July 2003.

　　When I was a teenager in the United States, to say that someone didn”t have a personality was considered the biggest put-down. If you said, ”Oh, she doesn”t have any personality,” it was a real insult. Because personality is terribly important if you”re an American, to be a charming, intelligent, attractive, interesting person. A lot of social conditioning goes into being that, trying to become ”personality-plus”. But now, if I heard someone saying, ”Ajahn Sumedho has no personality,” I”d be flattered, honoured.

　　When we hear of the Buddhist teaching of letting go, people might think, ”If I let go of my personality what will be left

　　 Will I be just a zombie

　　 If I don”t have any personality, how am I going to relate to anybody

　　 I”ll just be a blank, a totally empty form that sits there. No matter what happens, there will be no kind of emotion, no kind of language, or reaction.” It”s very frightening to think of no longer being a real person, a personality of some sort.

　　We conceive that without a personality we would be nothing, and that”s rather frightening. Even a negative identity would be better than that: like, to be able to say, ”I”m a neurotic man because I had abusive conditions in the past; because of misunderstandings and unfairnesses I have a lot of emotional and psychological problems in the present.” That would make someone interesting in a way, wouldn”t it

　　 Even with a negative identity, I could still take an interest in myself as a personality. So, to think of letting go of one”s personality would probably be rather frightening. If suddenly all those views and opinions that make me into an interesting person or a fascinating character or a charming gentleman or whatever... or a famous monk, a great teacher, a meditation master.... These are the things you get faced with when you”re in my position. People have even called me ”Your Excellency” or ”Your Highness”. Somebody once even called me the Pope. So these honorific titles and superlatives are meant to show politeness and respect. But if someone thought they might suddenly become nobody, it could be rather frightening.

　　However, the Buddha”s teaching on anatta, was to point out the reality of non-self in very simple ways. It wasn”t a practice where your personality totally disappears for ever, where you no longer have any emotional feelings whatsoever and where you”re just a total blank forever. Anatta is a practice for ordinary everyday life in which you notice when personality arises and when it ceases.

　　When you”re really observing it, you”ll notice that personality is a very changeable thing. Are you the same person all the time

　　 You might assume that you are. But in observing the actual nature of personality, you”ll notice that it changes according to who you”re with, the health of the body, and the state of mind. When you”re at home with your parents, when you”re in a Sangha meeting, when you”re chairman of a committee, when you”re just a junior member of the Sangha, when you”re the chores officer or the work officer or the guest officer, what happens

　　 Personality of course adapts itself to those roles, those situations and those conditions.

　　So then, what is awareness of personality

　　 I ask, because my personality can”t know my personality. There”s no way this person can know.... I cannot as a person know my own personality. To know the personality, I have to abide in awareness, in a state of openness and reflectiveness. There”s discernment operating. It is not a blank kind of vacuous zombie-like mental state. It”s an openness, intelligent and alive, with recognition, discernment and attention in the present.

　　I used to make it a practice to play…

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