..續本文上一頁 into action, keeping up with events from every angle until it was fully alert to the pain, alert to the body, and understood the affairs of the mind. Each was a separate reality. They then split away from one another and disappeared completely, even though nothing like that had ever happened to me before. The body disappeared from my sense of awareness. The pain completely vanished. All that was left was an awareness that was simply aware. It wasn”t the sort of outstanding awareness we might imagine it to be. It was just simple awareness, but very subtle, very refined, and very amazing in that moment.
When I retreated from that state, I renewed my investigation, but when I used the strategies I had used before, I didn”t get any results, because they were now allusions to the past. I had to come up with new strategies to keep up with the events of the moment. The mind then settled down again. That night, it settled down three times, and then dawn came. Was I ever amazed at myself!
That morning when I got the chance, I went to tell Venerable Acariya Mun. Normally, I”d be very intimidated by him, but that morning I wasn”t intimidated at all. I wanted to tell him the truth, so that he could see the results of my being true — how I had practiced so that things had occurred that way. I spoke with audacity, even though I had never spoken that way with him before. I really told it to him straight — crash! bang! — and after he had listened, he said, ”That”s the way it”s got to be.” That”s just what he said! He really let me have it. He explained things to my complete satisfaction. It was as if I were a dog: As soon as he praised and spurred me on, this stupid dog I was, was all raring to bark and bite.
After one or two more days, I sat up in meditation all night again. After another two or three more days, I did it again, until the mind was thoroughly amazed. The affairs of death, you know, disappear when the mind really knows. When you separate the elements (dhatu) and khandhas to look at life and death, the four elements of earth, water, wind, and fire dissolve down into their original properties as earth, water, wind, and fire. Space returns to its original property as space. The mind that used to fear death becomes even more prominent. So what is there to die
When it knows so prominently in this way, how can it die
The mind doesn”t die. So what does it fear
We”ve been lied to. The world of defilements has been lying to us. (”Lying,” here, means that defilement has lied to the living beings of the world, making them fear death, even though actually nothing dies.)
When I”d investigate one day, I”d get one approach; another day, I”d get another approach, but they were all hard-hitting and amazing. The mind was more and more amazing and brave, to the point where I felt, ”When the time comes to die, what sort of pain do they think they”re going to bring out to fool me
Every facet of today”s pain is complete in every way. Beyond this, there”s simply death. I”ve seen all these pains, understood them all, and dealt with them all. So when the time comes to die, what sort of pain are they going to bring out to deceive me
There”s no way they can deceive me. The pain will have to be just this sort of pain. As for death, nothing dies. So what is there to fear aside from the defilements that lie to us, making us fall for their fake tricks and deceits
From this point on, I”ll never fall for their tricks again.”
That”s the way the mind is when it knows, and it knew clearly right from the very first night. As for the mental state that had progressed and regressed, up to that first night it hadn”t regressed. Beginning that previous April, it hadn”t regressed but it still wasn”t clear. That first night, though, it became clear: ”Oh. This is h…
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