..續本文上一頁ow it”s supposed to be, the mind that doesn”t regress.” It was as if it had been climbing up and falling down, climbing up and falling down, until finally it climbed up and grabbed hold tight, 100 per cent sure that it wouldn”t regress. This was why I stepped up my efforts full speed.

　　During that Rains Retreat (vassa), I sat up all night in meditation nine or ten times, but never two nights in a row. Sometimes I”d skip two or three nights, sometimes six or seven. I got to the point where I was completely sure about pain — heavy or light, big or small. I understood how to deal with pain, how to sidestep it, how to cure it right in time, without being shaken by it. I wasn”t even afraid of death, because I had investigated it with the most completely adroit strategies. Mindfulness and discernment were completely up on death in every way.

　　Speaking of effort in the practice, my tenth rains — beginning from the April after my ninth rains — was when I made the most all-out effort. In all my life, I have never made a more vigorous effort, in terms of the body, than I did during my tenth rains. The mind went all out, and so did the body. From that point on, I kept making progress until the mind was like rock. In other words, I was skilled enough in the solidity and stability of my concentration that the mind was like a slab of rock. It couldn”t easily be affected by anything at all — and then I was stuck on that concentration for five full years.

　　Once I was able to get past that concentration, thanks to the hard-hitting Dhamma of Venerable Acariya Mun, I set out to investigate. When I began to investigate with discernment, things went quickly and easily because my concentration was fully prepared. It was as if all the materials for building a house were right at hand, but I hadn”t yet put them together into a house, and so they were just useless pieces of wood. My concentration simply stopped at concentration that way. When I didn”t put it together into mindfulness and discernment, it couldn”t support anything at all, which is why I had to set out investigating in the way with which Venerable Acariya Mun hit me over the head.

　　As soon as he hit me, I set out; and no sooner had I set out than I began to know what was what. I was able to kill off that defilement, cut this one down, step by step. I began to wake up: ”Here I”ve been lying in concentration as if I were dead — for all these months, all these years — and it hasn”t accomplished a thing!” So now I stepped up my efforts at discernment, making it spin day and night without anything to put a brake on it at all.

　　But, you know, I”m the sort of person who goes to extremes. Whatever tack I set out on, that”s the only tack I take. When I began following the path of discernment, I started criticizing concentration as being like lying down dead. Actually, concentration is a means for resting the mind. If you practice just right, that”s the way it is. But instead, I criticized concentration as being like lying down dead. ”All these years, and it hasn”t given rise to discernment.”

　　So I stepped up my efforts at discernment, beginning first with the body. When I contemplated unattractiveness, it was remarkable, you know. Really remarkable. The mind, when it contemplated, was adroit and audacious. I could perceive right through whatever I looked at — man, woman, no matter how young. To tell you frankly how really audacious the mind was (and here I have to ask the forgiveness of both the men and women involved if it”s wrong to speak too frankly), it wouldn”t have to be a question of old women, you know. If the gathering was full of young women, I could march right in without any sign of lust appearing at all. That”s how daring the mind was because of its contemplation of unattractiveness.

　　Lo…

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