..续本文上一页followed by two girls and carrying a white flag covered with a long string of Chinese characters, came towards me and said, "I”m queen of the deities. If you live here, you have to bow down to me." I wasn”t willing to bow down, seeing as I was a monk. Still, she insisted. We had a long argument, but I stood firm. Finally she left the hut, climbed the hill and disappeared. I meditated in comfort for the rest of the night.

　　Another day a while later — September 16 — I had a dizzy spell early in the morning. Afterwards I didn”t have the strength even to come down from the hut, and couldn”t eat any food. At about one in the afternoon I got up and sat by the window. The hut was at the foot of the hill, and the stream flowed right past the window. All around the hut the ground was cleared and clean — it was swept every day.

　　A lot of things happened that day: 1) There was a foul stench unlike anything I had ever smelled before. 2) A big green foul-smelling fly came and landed right on my face. It looked to me as if I were going to die. I sat in meditation until the fly flew away and the stench vanished. I began to have doubts about my survival, so I made a vow: "If I”m going to die, I want a clear sign. If I have the potential to live on and be of use, I also want a sign."

　　After I had made my vow, I sat facing west, looking out through the window with my mind under control. After a moment, two doves came flying to the window. First a male dove came from the south, made a sharp cry and landed on the sill. A moment later a female dove came from the north. They fluttered their wings and cooed to each other. They seemed cheerful and confident. And then, after another moment, the clouds that had been covering the sky parted and bright sunlight came pouring through. Not since the beginning of the rainy season had there been even as much as 30 minutes of sunlight in a single day. The entire three months the sky had been dull, always covered by clouds and fog. But now the sun shone down all bright and dazzling. The calls of the birds echoed clearly through the forest. My heart felt refreshed. I came to the conclusion: "I”m not going to die."

　　One night afterwards, towards the end of the rains, I went down to do walking meditation to the south of my hut and a vision appeared to me. I saw myself and an elephant tumbling around in the water. Sometimes I”d be on top of the elephant, sometimes he”d be on top of me. A moment later, in the same vision, a sermon seat came floating through the air, about six meters off the ground. It was painted a dull red and covered with cloth from India interwoven with gold. The vision seemed to say, "Please climb onto the sermon seat. All your aspirations will be fulfilled." But there was no one in the vision. "This is no time for lies," I thought, and the vision disappeared.

　　Right at the very end of the rains I practiced walking around the foot of the hill but I”d get tired and faint. My ears would start ringing and I”d almost pass out. If this was the way things were, I wouldn”t be able to leave the mountains after the rains were over. So I made a resolution: If I”m going to live on and be involved with humanity, may I be able to get out of the mountains. But if my involvement is over, I”ll write a letter bidding farewell.

　　By the day after the end of the Rains Retreat, my illness seemed to be over. My symptoms weren”t even twenty percent of what they had been before. The next day, the hilltribesmen accompanied us out of the forest, carrying our things and at the same time crying in a way that was really heartrending.

　　That had been a damp, chilly place to stay. Even salt, if you didn”t keep it shut tight in a container, would dissolve away. We ate hilltribe food all throughout the rains. They”d take bamboo shoo…

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