..续本文上一页Hong Kong in 1955, sailing into the harbour and being very excited about visiting the city. I tried to get someone to go with me but all he could say was, ”Uh, I don”t like Hong Kong.” Here was I so enthusiastic, and I could not find anyone to come with me. The only ones who went out went to the brothels and to the bars - that”s all they saw in Hong Kong. Now isn”t this a negative mind state

　　 The American military in those days was not very bright. If it wasn”t like Des Moines, Iowa, it wasn”t any good. They did not see beauty in exotic places, they just saw that it wasn”t like Des Moines, Iowa, or Birmingham, Alabama.

　　I spent four years in the Navy, and during that time there was this incessant complaining. Griping, they called it - and they used other words as well, which I won”t use! We griped about everything. Actually, we had all kinds of advantages in those days in the military - like educational opportunities. I had four years of university scholarships through having been in the military, as well as many other things that I am quite grateful for now. And yet the attitude was to try to get as much as possible out of the system, to use it for one”s own benefit; complain about everything and see what one could get away with. Even if what one was doing was immoral, illegal, that was OK - as long as you did not get caught. And this was in a society where everything was provided for you! Life was very secure, but the attitude was: ”Give me, give me, give me. What can I get out of this

　　” The result was that it became a very negative society, with everybody griping and complaining endlessly.

　　So today is a day to develop kataññu. Do not think it is just a day to be sentimental. kataññu is a practice to develop in our daily life, because it opens the heart and brings joy to our human experience. And we need that joy, it”s something that nurtures us and it is essential for our spiritual development. Joy is one of the factors of enlightenment. Life without joy is a dreary one - grey, dull, and depressing. So today is a day for joyous recollections.

　　Questions 1

　　Question: How do people who have a lot of anger towards their parents develop gratitude towards them

　　Ajahn Sumedho: This is not an uncommon problem, because I know that teaching metta on too sentimental a basis can actually increase anger. I remember a woman on one of our retreats who, whenever it came to spreading metta to her parents, would go into a rage. Then she felt very guilty about it, as she was not able to forgive and develop loving-kindness to her mother. Every time she thought about her mother, she only felt this rage. This was because she only used her intellect; she wanted to do this practice of metta, but emotionally felt anything but that.

　　It”s important to see this conflict between the intellect and the emotional life. We know in our mind that we should be able to forgive our enemies and love our parents, but in the heart we feel, ”I can never forgive them for what they”ve done.” So then we either feel anger and resentment, or we go into rationalisations: ”Because my parents were so bad, so unloving, so unkind, they made me suffer so much that I can”t forgive or forget,” or: ”There”s something wrong with me, I”m a terrible person because I can”t forgive. If I were a good person I would be able to forgive, therefore I must be a bad person.” These are the conflicts that we have between the intellect and the emotions. When we don”t understand this conflict, we are confused; we know how we should feel but we don”t actually feel that way.

　　With the intellect we can figure it out ideally; we can create marvellous images and perceptions in the mind. But the emotional nature is not rational. It”s a feeling nature, it is not going to …

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