..续本文上一页he mind to depend on, so there was no need to rely on any meditation word for further support. The mind fully knew itself and could sustain itself. At this point I didn”t have to repeat any meditation word because the mind was prominent at all times. I would focus right there. Wherever I went, I focused right there. I knew right there, just as I had focused on ”buddho.” It could form a fine foundation for the mind. I was sure of myself that:
(1) This foundation had become progressively more and more stable until it was more stable than it had been the first time it had progressed and then regressed.
(2) As for focusing on awareness, when awareness was fully pronounced, I should focus on that without let-up, in the same way I had focused on repeating ”buddho” until the mind became more and more refined. This was a foundation for the mind on which I could depend.
From that point on, I really stepped up my efforts. The time I started sitting in meditation all night until dawn came from this point. I started to sit one night, focusing on in, focusing on in, and at first the mind had settled down because it was used to settling down. It settled down easily because it ”had a good foundation.” I kept focusing on in, and as long as no enormous pains arose, the meditation went quietly. But when I withdrew, a number of hours had passed, and a huge pain arose, to the point where I almost couldn”t bear it. The mind that had been quiet was totally overturned. Its ”good foundation” had collapsed completely. All that was left was pain filling the body — but the mind wasn”t agitated. Strange!
The body was so pained that it was quivering all over. This was the beginning of the hand-to-hand combat in which I was to obtain an important approach — when really severe pain arose unexpectedly that night. I hadn”t yet made up my mind to sit until dawn, you know. I hadn”t made any resolutions or anything at all. I was simply sitting in meditation as usual, as usual, but when the pain arose in full force: ”Eh
What”s going on here
I”ll have to tackle this feeling so as to see results tonight!” So I made a resolution in that very moment: ”Okay, if the time doesn”t come to get up, I won”t get up. I”ll fight until the dawn of the new day. Tonight for once I”m going to investigate pain so as to understand it clearly and distinctly. If I don”t understand it, then even if I die, let me die. Let me find out. So dig down!” This is when discernment really began to work in earnest.
I had never known, never imagined, never dreamed that discernment would become so sharp when it was at the end of its rope, when it was really cornered with no way out. Discernment really started spinning away. It went out digging, exploring, fighting, determined not to withdraw its troops in retreat. When I was at the end of my rope, discernment arose. This made me realize, ”We human beings aren”t fated to be stupid forever. When we”re at the end of our rope, we”re sure to manage to find a way to help ourselves.” So it was then: When I was cornered, overwhelmed by severe pain, mindfulness and discernment probed into the pain.
When pain arises in full force like this, it fills the entire body. At first it started in hot flashes along the backs of my hands and feet, which wasn”t much to speak of, but then when it really flared up into something big, the entire body was ablaze. All the bones, as they were connected, were fuel feeding the fire in every part of the body. It was as if the body were going to fall apart right then and there. The neck bones were going to come apart. Every bone was going to come apart from its connections. My head was going to fall off and hit the floor. When it”s pained, everything is on a par throughout the body. You don”t know where to hold it back enoug…
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