..续本文上一页 to become a bit more flexible. Before, when we looked at the pain, there was only one answer -- ouch! But now when we look at it again there are different kinds of "ouches", different kinds of pains, so to say. Its not so simple anymore. And we have to accept too that we still have our limit. It doesn”t mean you have to just sit here till tomorrow, "It”s not pain any way. It”s just friendliness, peace openness…" But this is coming from our ideal rather than from our experience.

　　This is something that we can work with. It”s not a magical solution. Because to some people they do think, "Aha, I”ve now got the magical formula to get rid of all my pains!" Oh, Oh! There”s the ego speaking again. The ego is again asserting itself to take over our attempts at openness and friendliness. And if the ego is involved it”s not going to work, not really. Because in order to be really friendly one has to totally surrender. Real friendliness only happens when we can step outside our ego confines, surrender my ego identities, my ego definitions. Ok, practically this happens step by step. The more we can develop friendliness, the more we let down our ego guard step by step.

　　Unreasonably Friendly

　　There is a story in one of the post-canonical books of 4 people sitting together somewhere on a bench. You, your best friend, a neutral person and your worst enemy are sitting there, having a cup of tea. Not your worst enemy, no, no, they drink sour-milk! Some murderers come along and say they want one of you for a sacrifice. You have to choose one of these four people to be killed. Well, whom would you chose

　　 This is a great moral dilemma, yeah

　　 You can choose yourself and say, "Well, I am so selfless and holy, take me!" Or you could say, "Well, take my worst enemy he”s not worth anything anyway. Cleanse the earth of this fellow." How about the neutral person

　　 He is nobody special. Or you could be really generous, "Well, I cannot go because I am making a decision, so take my best friend, he is the same as me anyway."

　　We could make a personality test here by the answer people give. So who would you choose

　　 I said this was a hard one - maybe we leave it for tomorrow

　　 It has to come from the heart, a heart-felt decision because this is serious. You can leave your answers on my seat, put your name on it please so I know who to keep away from, or perhaps to sit with you on the bench. But I will give you a hint -- you won”t get it by thinking. The answer is not anything you could ever think about, it is unthinkable. So we”d better wait till tomorrow.

　　If we continue with this practice of friendliness what can happen is that we arrive at an experience which is totally unexpected, totally unreasonable, illogical, because it is transcending these limits of the ego. In order to be really friendly to your worst enemy, to the things you define as being the most unpleasant, you have got to change. You have got to surrender all your points of reference, all places you are holding on to. And then the result is unthinkable.

　　In the story above, the unthinkable answer, if you really develop friendliness to a very high degree, is that you cannot choose anyone of the four. Friendliness is developed so extensively that one no longer discriminates between any of the four persons, one is completely open and friendly to them all equally – and even to the murderers as well! See, I told you it was unthinkable.

　　But we can apply this in a practical way. Gradually we begin to see, first the resistance, even a resistance to being friendly. There is trying to be friendly to the resistance, but the resistance to being friendly. People have come to me after days of practice and said, "I just can”t be friendly. I am just not capable of it". So one very helpful hint is -- maybe you …

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