..续本文上一页have to forgive first, to forgive before you can be friendly. Forgiving means that we fully receive this experience without judging it, just receive it fully as it is. When we can fully receive it as it is, then we can let go of it – because we have absorbed it, taken it in, so we don”t need to hold it anymore. If we don”t fully receive it, open to it, absorb it, we stay with our judgements about it and end up with righteous indignation. This comes out of our own ego-based, reasoning mind – "Yes, I can forgive, it is good to forgive. But they did this. It”s not right. They should not do this, and it is not right, it”s wrong, they should do that." But the point is, in a sense, it has happened, it”s done. So maybe we have to forgive, receive, absorb that particular experience, that particular situation, before we can start anew. This is especially true of the past -- we are never going to change the past. The only real benefit we can get from the past is to learn from it, and hopefully not to repeat mistakes again. But we have to really open to the pain and the wrong and the injustice that has happened there. To open to it, to receive it, doesn”t mean we have to agree with it or like it. But that is the way it was then, start over again from now.

　　Universal Friendliness

　　This practice of friendliness - I would say very simply - is the single most useful meditation exercise in the whole practice of meditation. When people meet some difficulty in the practice, the simplest and most practical solution to it is more friendliness, more peacefulness, openness, receptiveness towards it. So wherever we say there is a problem, the problem is not really the problem in itself. The real difficulty is the relationship to it. Basically it is "I" (subject) have a "problem" (object). If we hold this relationship then subject and object battle it out until victory – I conquer the problem or the problem conquers me! With a more friendly, peaceful attitude, however, we can at least peacefully co-exist. And, maybe, if we develop this attitude further, we can establish a totally new relationship. That is, when I change with friendliness, the problem changes too! Friendliness implies an opening towards and a softening towards. And then we notice that the problem also opens and softens. And the more we open and soften with friendliness, the more the problem opens and softens – opens and softens until (its possible!) subject and object dissolve, melt together in friendliness. How does the saying go – Love conquers all.

　　But we have to work at this practice too. It is not something that comes so easily to us, we have a whole backlog of ego-conquering-problem habits. So it sometimes seems a bit crazy to be friendly to the things which you don”t like, things that you find unpleasant. But if we see it as providing a new space from which to relate we have the confidence to change our attitude and see what is really happening there in a much clearer way. That”s why I find it useful for Insight meditation. To be able to see clearly we have to be able to come closer, with a friendly, peaceful attitude to see what is really there. You can”t see anything very clearly if its off over there covered in a cloud of resistance.

　　Friendly Wandering

　　If you can be peaceful with the wandering mind, then the wandering mind isn”t a problem. There are two ways to relate to the wandering mind. Some people think that they should not have it and they fight with it (and the mind wanders even more wildly!). And others can be a bit more peaceful towards it. It is still there, but there is no conflict. Wandering mind happens sometimes, so what

　　And when one is more friendly towards it, it starts to tell us its deeper secrets, just like your trusted friend does. The wandering mind…

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