..续本文上一页ill not yield in the least. Only aware of their own discomfort, they never give any consideration to others” difficulties. When they are growing up at home, they complain about small things, such as: "How come my brother can go out to play, and I can”t

　　" "How come Sis has new clothes, and I don”t

　　" They complain about every little thing that they think is "not fair." What happens when they get upset over things not being fair

　　 They fight! They argue! As children they bicker over small things, but by the time they grow up they contend over big things. At home they bicker with their brothers and sisters; at school they argue with their classmates; and in society they contend with their fellow citizens. With such competition over fame and profit at all levels of society, how can chaos not result

　　 Therefore, only by starting at home and teaching children to lessen their desires, to be patient with unfairness, and to learn to take losses, can we stop people from contending.

　　有个朋友生了三个女儿，每次领薪水，不是给女儿买玩具，就是买衣服；而且买的衣服，一定一式三套。我以经济的眼光劝他：“小孩长得快，衣服马上就太小不能穿了，一套衣服可以姐妹传着穿嘛！”她却情绪激动地叫起来：“为什么做妹妹的就得穿旧衣？”我吓了一跳，赔小心又试探地问：“那也可以每人买个不同式样的吧？”“不行！式样不同也是不公平。要是她们认为另一件比自己的好，不是要争了吗？我受够了我妈的不公平待遇，绝对不再让孩子因为不公平而受伤害。”

　　I have a friend who has three daughters. Every time she gets paid, she goes out to buy toys or clothing for them. And when she buys clothes, she always gets three sets of the same thing. Thinking economically, I advised her, "Children grow very fast and outgrow their clothes almost immediately. Why don”t you buy one of everything and let them hand it down from the older to the younger sisters

　　" I was taken aback by her sharp retort: "Why should the younger ones always have to wear hand-me-downs

　　" I cautiously tried to make another suggestion: "Well, at least they could each buy a different style, couldn”t they

　　" "No. If the style is different, it”s not fair either. If they thought someone else”s was better than theirs, they”d start bickering. I had enough of my mother”s unfair treatment, and I”ll never let my own children undergo that kind of injustice."

　　后来我才知道；原来她是家中三姐妹的老二，自小总觉得父母看重老大，怜惜老么，自己是最受忽略的一个；因此常与母亲及姐妹争，已很多年不与母亲及姐妹来往了。过了十年，我听说她的三个女儿不但也是彼此不合，还都很怨恨她，她过得很寂寞。由此可见，力求表面的公平，或尽量用物质去满足孩子，仍无法教孩子不争啊！说起来，还是从心地下工夫来得根本。只要能教孩子寡欲，孩子又有什么可争的呢？只要能教孩子忍不平，孩子又怎么吵得起来呢？

　　Later I found out that she was the second of three sisters. Ever since she was little, she felt her parents had favored the eldest and adored the youngest, but had neglected her. That”s why she had always quarreled with her mother and sisters, and had not communicated with them for many years. Ten years later, I heard that not only did her three daughters not get along, but they all blamed her, and so she was very lonely. From this, we can see that insisting on superficial fair treatment or trying to please kids with material things is not the way to teach them how not to contend. The fundamental solution is to work on their hearts and minds. If we can teach children to reduce their desires, what could they possibly contend about？ If we can teach them to tolerate unfair treatment, how could they possibly get into arguments

　　古诗说得好：

　　An ancient poem puts it well:

　　兄弟同居忍便安，

　　莫因毫末起争端；

　　眼前生子又兄弟，

　　皆与儿孙作样看。

　　With patience,

　　we can get along well with our brothers and sisters.

　　Do not start fights over little things.

　　As siblings, we ought to set a good example

　　for our children and grandchildren to follow.

　　所谓毫末，就是不重要的。什 么是不重要的？财物是不重要的，名也是不重要的，男女私情也是不重要的，因为那些都是无常的。什么又是重要的？人格道德是最重要的，因为那是不朽的。而人格道德的培育，自孝悌做起。况且自己不知孝悌，当然也教不来儿女孝悌，那就要自尝苦果了。如是因，如是果，可不慎哉？

　　Little things means trivial matters. What is trivial

　　 Wealth is trivial, and so is fame and romance, because none of them are lasting. What is important

　　 Integrity and moral virtue are the most important things, because they never perish. The development of integrity and virtue begins with filial piety and fraternal respect. If we ourselves do not understand how to be good to our own parents and siblings, then of course we can”t teach our children to be good to their parents and siblings, and we”ll have to suffer the bitter consequences. As is the cause, so will be the result. How can we not take heed

《弟子规浅释 Standards for Students 第三章﹕悌 Chapter Three﹕ FRATERNITY - 2》全文阅读结束。