Gratitude to Parents

　　by Ajahn Sumedho

　　FOREWORD

　　In five ways one should minister to one”s parents:

　　Having supported me, I shall support them.

　　I shall do their duties.

　　I shall keep up the honour and the traditions of my family.

　　I shall make myself worthy of my heritage.

　　I shall make offerings dedicating the goodness of my practice to my parents after their death.

　　Sigalovada Sutta: Digha Nikaya 31.

　　These words of the Buddha give expression in terms of observance to the feeling of loyalty and gratitude that a clear-minded person may have with regards to their parents. That this is not necessarily the case is a sad reflection on either the quality of our parents or the attitude of neglect that the society or the inpidual has towards these powerfully influential people. Even as adults we often respond to situations in ways that are attributable to parental influence - for good or for ill. It is an area to acknowledge and explore.

　　The following text is edited from a talk given by Ajahn Sumedho at Amaravati in October 1994 on a day that the Sri Lankan community had asked to have dedicated to remembering parents. It deals with cultivating the feeling that backs up the observance.

　　This booklet has been made possible through the sponsorship of an English Buddhist who wishes to dedicate her act of generosity to her child who died in his infancy. May she experience the joy and heart”s ease of her kind offering.

　　GRATITUDE TO PARENTS

　　Even if one should carry about one”s mother on one shoulder and one”s father on the other, and so doing should live a hundred years.... Moreover, if one should set them up as supreme rulers, having absolute rule over the wide earth abounding in the seven treasures - not even by this could one repay one”s parents. And why! Bhikkhus, parents do a lot for their children: they bring them up, provide them with food, introduce them to the world.

　　Yet, bhikkhus, whoever encourages their faithless parents, and settles and establishes them in faith; or whoever encourages their immoral parents and settles and establishes them in morality, or whoever encourages their stingy parents, and settles and establishes them in generosity, or whoever encourages their foolish parents, and settles and establishes them in wisdom - such a person, in this way repays, more than repays, what is due to their parents.

　　Anguttara Nikaya: Twos, 32

　　AMARAVATI again - a special day, an auspicious day. This morning many of you were here for the traditional offering and special dedication for our parents - those who have passed away as well as those who are living. On this day we are considering kataññu kataveti, which is the Pali for gratitude. Gratitude is a positive response to life; in developing kataññu we deliberately bring into our consciousness the good things done to us in our life. So on this day, especially, we remember the goodness of our parents, and we contemplate it. We are not dwelling on what they did wrong; instead, we deliberately choose to remember the goodness. And the kindness that our parents had for us - even though in some cases,

　　generosity might not have been there at all times. This is one day in the year for remembering our parents with gratitude and recalling all the good things they have done for us.

　　A life without kataññu is a joyless life. If we don”t have anything to be grateful about, our life is a dreary plane. Just contemplate this. If life was just a continuous complaint and moan about the injustices and unfairness we have received and we don”t remember anything good ever done to us, and all we do is remember the bad things - that”s called depression, and this is not an uncommon problem now. When we fall into depression we cannot remember any good that ha…

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