..續本文上一頁常被江郎才盡之感所逼迫。尤其是當我發現在漫長的一年中，居然還有一個閏十月時，驚恐得我幾乎想扔下鍾愛的筆。在道友的鼓勵下，才不得不硬著頭皮，艱難地往前跋涉。我仿佛被債主追得窮途末路的窮鬼，身不由己地四處狼狽逃竄，卻怎麼也逃不掉日日積累的債務。

　　In the early phase of this work, ample time allowed me to finish articles of a few hundred words quickly with seemingly little effort; this made me very confident and proud of myself. However, after returning to the Gar Five Sciences Buddhist Academy in the second half of the year, I was immediately ensnared by many heavy and trifling matters. My thoughts were jumbled; it became almost impossible for me to sort out clear thinking for even one diary entry. I can”t describe the frustrations over the feeling that my inspiration had dried up. It was like riding a tiger and I found it hard to dismount. What”s more, there was a leap month of October in that year, a realization that almost made me throw away my beloved pens, if not for the encouragement from many Dharma friends. Biting the bullet, I trudged on, but I felt like a destitute person being chased by creditors, running here and there to hide, but finding no way to flee from the ever growing pile of debt.

　　我沒有精力再應付下去了，只有暫時擱筆。習慣于筆耕不辍的我，終于絞盡腦汁爲自己的半途而廢想到一個下臺階：在以後的某個不是很忙的下半年中，將未完成的日記補足，我甚至爲將來的作品起好了名字——《730天中的365天》。但是，要想在我的有生之年中，找到一個不太忙的下半年，恐怕是難上其難的。所以，這個願望也就一直未能實現。這本殘缺的日記書稿，就在我的書櫃底層沈睡了將近兩年的時間。

　　I was just too exhausted to deal with it, and so had to leave it half done. Yet as someone with a strong affinity for writing, I managed to fabricate an excuse to get out of this embarrassing situation: At some point in the future, when not too busy in the second half of a year, I would catch up with the unfinished part of my diary. I even thought of a perfect title for my diary-to-come—365 Days Out of 730 Days. But in truth, finding a not-too-busy half-year in the rest of my life is almost out of the question. So my wish was never realized. This draft of my incomplete diary ended up at the bottom of the drawer, sinking into deep sleep for nearly two years.

　　直到2004年1月7日的那個寒冷冬日，叁界導師、衆生怙主——法王如意寶，忽然在我們措手不及之間離開了人世。每一位弟子，都一下子跌落在遠甚于痛失親人的悲恸之中。異常沈重的打擊使脆弱的我幾乎一蹶不振，無依無靠的失落感一次次地鞭打著我傷痛的心。直至荼毗儀式結束，空蕩蕩的心仍然沒有著落。上師用刻骨銘心的現實，給我們上了一堂生動的無常課，使我更真切地體會到萬法的無常。

　　Then, on a bitterly cold winter day—January 7th, 2004—the Master of the Three Worlds, the Protector of all beings and our most beloved Guru Wish Fulfilling Jewel, H.H. Jigme Phuntsok Rinpoche, left this world. Totally caught off guard by his sudden departure, every student was stricken with utter sorrow, grieving even more than when losing relatives. My frail body collapsed at this heavy blow, almost unable to recover; the sense of total loss whipped again and again on my already painful heart. Long after the Cremation Ceremony, I could find nothing to fill my hollow and blank mind. Our teacher chose to show us what impermanence is by this stark reality, which will be forever engraved in our bones and hearts. I was shaken and made keenly aware of the impermanence of all phenomena as never before.

　　“不能再等待了！”一個聲音不斷在耳邊響起，叩擊著我那顆幾近麻木的心房，使做著長遠打算的我，放棄了期待日記有朝一日能夠完整的念頭。我翻出了塵封已久的殘稿，漫無目的地翻閱著。在這本日記中，也記載了一些上師的教言，在上師離去之後，更顯得彌足珍貴。如果能早日與大家見面，或許能夠幫助大家度過這段冰冷陰沈的日子。在沒有足夠的興趣與心情的情況下，我只是將文字作了一個簡單的校對，就讓缺胳膊少腿的日記匆匆上路了。它究竟會遇到什麼樣的命運呢？我不禁爲它的將來感到擔憂。

　　“Wait no more!” This calling started ringing in my ear, tapping at my heart that had almost gone numb. It dawned on me that I could not keep on making long-term plans and waiting for one of these days to complete the diary. Retrieving the dust-covered draft and flipping through the pages, I was absent-minded until I caught sight of some teachings from our revered teacher in it. How lucky that I had written them down and how precious these entries seemed, now that our teacher had left us! If I could make the diary available soon, wouldn”t it help many of us to struggle through this chilly and dark period

　　 Thus, without muc…

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