..续本文上一页常被江郎才尽之感所逼迫。尤其是当我发现在漫长的一年中，居然还有一个闰十月时，惊恐得我几乎想扔下钟爱的笔。在道友的鼓励下，才不得不硬着头皮，艰难地往前跋涉。我仿佛被债主追得穷途末路的穷鬼，身不由己地四处狼狈逃窜，却怎么也逃不掉日日积累的债务。

　　In the early phase of this work, ample time allowed me to finish articles of a few hundred words quickly with seemingly little effort; this made me very confident and proud of myself. However, after returning to the Gar Five Sciences Buddhist Academy in the second half of the year, I was immediately ensnared by many heavy and trifling matters. My thoughts were jumbled; it became almost impossible for me to sort out clear thinking for even one diary entry. I can”t describe the frustrations over the feeling that my inspiration had dried up. It was like riding a tiger and I found it hard to dismount. What”s more, there was a leap month of October in that year, a realization that almost made me throw away my beloved pens, if not for the encouragement from many Dharma friends. Biting the bullet, I trudged on, but I felt like a destitute person being chased by creditors, running here and there to hide, but finding no way to flee from the ever growing pile of debt.

　　我没有精力再应付下去了，只有暂时搁笔。习惯于笔耕不辍的我，终于绞尽脑汁为自己的半途而废想到一个下台阶：在以后的某个不是很忙的下半年中，将未完成的日记补足，我甚至为将来的作品起好了名字——《730天中的365天》。但是，要想在我的有生之年中，找到一个不太忙的下半年，恐怕是难上其难的。所以，这个愿望也就一直未能实现。这本残缺的日记书稿，就在我的书柜底层沉睡了将近两年的时间。

　　I was just too exhausted to deal with it, and so had to leave it half done. Yet as someone with a strong affinity for writing, I managed to fabricate an excuse to get out of this embarrassing situation: At some point in the future, when not too busy in the second half of a year, I would catch up with the unfinished part of my diary. I even thought of a perfect title for my diary-to-come—365 Days Out of 730 Days. But in truth, finding a not-too-busy half-year in the rest of my life is almost out of the question. So my wish was never realized. This draft of my incomplete diary ended up at the bottom of the drawer, sinking into deep sleep for nearly two years.

　　直到2004年1月7日的那个寒冷冬日，三界导师、众生怙主——法王如意宝，忽然在我们措手不及之间离开了人世。每一位弟子，都一下子跌落在远甚于痛失亲人的悲恸之中。异常沉重的打击使脆弱的我几乎一蹶不振，无依无靠的失落感一次次地鞭打着我伤痛的心。直至荼毗仪式结束，空荡荡的心仍然没有着落。上师用刻骨铭心的现实，给我们上了一堂生动的无常课，使我更真切地体会到万法的无常。

　　Then, on a bitterly cold winter day—January 7th, 2004—the Master of the Three Worlds, the Protector of all beings and our most beloved Guru Wish Fulfilling Jewel, H.H. Jigme Phuntsok Rinpoche, left this world. Totally caught off guard by his sudden departure, every student was stricken with utter sorrow, grieving even more than when losing relatives. My frail body collapsed at this heavy blow, almost unable to recover; the sense of total loss whipped again and again on my already painful heart. Long after the Cremation Ceremony, I could find nothing to fill my hollow and blank mind. Our teacher chose to show us what impermanence is by this stark reality, which will be forever engraved in our bones and hearts. I was shaken and made keenly aware of the impermanence of all phenomena as never before.

　　“不能再等待了！”一个声音不断在耳边响起，叩击着我那颗几近麻木的心房，使做着长远打算的我，放弃了期待日记有朝一日能够完整的念头。我翻出了尘封已久的残稿，漫无目的地翻阅着。在这本日记中，也记载了一些上师的教言，在上师离去之后，更显得弥足珍贵。如果能早日与大家见面，或许能够帮助大家度过这段冰冷阴沉的日子。在没有足够的兴趣与心情的情况下，我只是将文字作了一个简单的校对，就让缺胳膊少腿的日记匆匆上路了。它究竟会遇到什么样的命运呢？我不禁为它的将来感到担忧。

　　“Wait no more!” This calling started ringing in my ear, tapping at my heart that had almost gone numb. It dawned on me that I could not keep on making long-term plans and waiting for one of these days to complete the diary. Retrieving the dust-covered draft and flipping through the pages, I was absent-minded until I caught sight of some teachings from our revered teacher in it. How lucky that I had written them down and how precious these entries seemed, now that our teacher had left us! If I could make the diary available soon, wouldn”t it help many of us to struggle through this chilly and dark period

　　 Thus, without muc…

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